If you love them set them free. If its true love they will come back.
This is where I am at. Again. Been here around 4 times over 3 years now. But this time he has his girlfriend there. This time it's a proper affair with more than just feelings to lose. It's real.
He says he can't give me commitment, a serious relationship because he isn't ready. He still wants to travel. Be free. I can't do that with him because I have my children although I've told him there would be other things he's never done that would enrich his life with us a unit. But mainly, he can still do whatever he wanted as my children are not his responsibility. He's told me whilst I still have my husband (separating wont happen for another six months really) then I'm not an option. So many obstacles. He's not ready to jump them. Not even sure he wants to.
So I back away.
He comes closer.
We remain friends.
Friendship never works and we keep crossing the line, physically and mentally.
I've told him to just get rid of her, but he won't. He doesn't love her yet she's nice and easy and kind and basically fills the time. I know it would be different if I lived around the corner too. Definitely. But still..:he's not ready to commit.
So...I let him go right? Completely utterly. And if he comes back......
foreverWantingMore foreverWantingMore
36-40, F
2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

I backed away and let mine go numerous times, he always comes back. But he still would never take the steps to actually be together, one step forward, two steps back. I finally walked away completely, I married someone else, and he still keeps trying to come back. I know you aren't happy in your marriage and wish you hadn't done it, that's not the case for me; so he will have to deal with that just like I did all those years waiting for him to get himself straightened out...which he still hasn't done. Sorry...my response suddenly got away from me and turned into a vent! lol

Give him some space, maintain contact as long as it's not hurting you to do so, and focus on dissolving your marriage and what's next for you and your children, whether OM decides to join you or not.

Thank you!! That's the thing see, you think shall I walk away because I'm fed up of waiting/chasing/giving my all when they can't make their minds up. I know I'm not exactly obtainable right now but he's not giving me any positive signals that he's ready to be committed to me. In fact, the girlfriend he's with who is completely free without baggage, he still won't commit to her exclusively either!!! He's still got a lot to sort out emotionally and grow up a lot. At 34 godamit :/
I will maintain contact. We've been through this before. Much less contact like going a couple days without speaking, but then something clicks and we fall back in love. I need to give that a chance again because I lost myself along the way this time...maybe because I suddenly went from loving him from afar to actually in reality almost having him! It became more real and therefore more intense. I became more needy. Ridiculous. I was awesome before a few months ago. Every time we fell for each other before, I was always stronger and that's what he saw. So I need to get back to a good state mentally. Keep the friendship meanwhile and yes my hope will always be alive but maybe like you I will find someone along the way that becomes the one. X

This did not work for you?

He came back before. I suppressed my feelings, got on with life and we maintained a friendship. Within months we would feel a change in our connection and then he would declare his love for me.
First time I literally let him go. I hurt him. I let him be. He came back forgiving and we got stronger.
This time, it's the only way. HE has to decide. I wish I was more in control but this is the only way I have some...to walk away and leave him make his own mind up.

seems like you are the dominant in the relationship.

Ha I wish! Always have been til I met him...

oh you became a softy.

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