A Man 40 Years Older, Why Do I Love Him? Why Can't I Leave...?

I have been in an affair for four years with a man 37 years older than I. It started out at my workplace, a regualr customer, whom I had an attraction to. I don't know why I agreed to go out and have a few drinks with him, but I did. Then after a few months we were seeing each other almost everyday, him driving me to work, taking me out and etc. Now he calls me his girlfriend and says he loves me, I don't really believe him, or I am being niave if I do. I found out a few months back that he was also seeing a married woman for almost 10 years, I felt betrayed, but I should've known he had another lover. I confronted him and he said that it was over because I am different then most woman(i know its just a tactic, but I feel a love for him). Now I feel as if I am in a race to see who will take his heart, with two older women. I know older women are much more in control of what they want, so I shall never win. I would love to be with someone who will love me for me and be wth me all the time and not cheat...I find it so hard to lett go of him, maybe because he is my fist love...and its been four years. I am sick of waiting for him to call and hope that he comes over or takes me to work or etc. I am missing out on things...with people and family...how could I have let myself become so absorbed with this man, where I find myself second guessing everythihng I do. Will someone  just give me some advice or some of thier personal stories, and how you got your butt off the wagon and left a man like this. PLEASE!

NICKAY NICKAY
22-25
3 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I am the wife of a man having an affair. Actually, I kicked my husband out when I found out. My husband is bipolar, so it's a bit different. But, in it's own rights, I've let this man control me, because I have always been faithful to him. I've felt neglected and isolated, while he's pulled stunts and kept me in the dark about his other lives.<br />
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Regardless of whether you're the wife or the other woman, I will say this...the most empowering thing you can do is to let the cat out of the bag. Tell his wife. Apologize. Let go.<br />
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Demand some morality out of yourself. The bible says that an adulteress or adulterer will 'lie in a bed of anguish.' Ask forgiveness and let go of this man. He's ruining you.<br />
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Let him ruin his own life. You don't have to go down the tubes with him. Either you are a game to him, or he is a game to you.<br />
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For myself, I'd rather let my husband hit rock bottom on his own. I don't want to hit it with him.<br />
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This scripture has helped to pull me away from this path of destruction, "A man (woman) is a slave to whatever has mastered him (her). Don't be enslaved. Don't be mastered. You can do this! But, the decision is yours in the end.

You've given this man power over you. A lot of older men target younger women as booty calls because they know they can be a dominant figure to them. Like a father figure not to get creepy about it but it's true. He has no respect for any woman and won't committ to any one woman no matter what he says. Remember this rule for a cheating man..if his lips are moving he's lying. You are weak and you are being used and he's keeping you from getting involved with a decent person who will appreciate you and give you what he cannot. He's controlling also. You might not think so but believe it HE IS. Nobody can kick you in the butt to get out of this one sided going nowhere relationship but YOU and YOU had better take your power back before you lose yourself totally and you have nothing. Four years as some man's bedmate is nothing to hold onto or be proud of. You KNOW that he's running around with other women and that still doesn't stop you from messing with him. Whatever he does with you...he's doing with another woman. Every kiss, every touch, every THING. Is that how you want to live your life getting what some other woman has given to him. Its like being in the same bed with them. End it now and get on with your life. You can do better than what he's giving you. It's up to YOU!!!!! What kind of woman do you consider yourself to be?

You get the book "Will He Really Leave Her for Me?" and read it. It will help you identify your affair and what chance you realistically have to get him. Then in case you're one of the majority who ends up alone, there are some wonderful tips for how to pick ur self up and go on with your life.<br />
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It took me being really pissed off, at the end of several months of realizing it was not going anywhere to end my affair 24 years ago. Took about a year to get over him.