Not Every Relationship Need to Be Saved...

I've been with a married man for a year now. In the beginning he was very sweet and caring, we emailed each other everyday, talked on the phone, yahoo messaging one another. He told me that he loves me and would never ever hurt me. But one time his wife found out about us and he just dumped me like a rock. We got back together again but everytime his wife is suspicious of him, he would go cold turkey on me, ran like a hare at the first sign of danger. The pathetic thing about our relationship is that I love him. It's so stupid. He acted so selfishly and always disappoint me, but I ran back to him everytime.

Now he told me that things are too complicated between us, and we should just be friends, maybe with the occasional sex. I'm sure many women would walk away but not me. I hang on ...and it hurts so much. I feel used and being taken for granted. I ned to find the courage to leave him, that is why I'm here. Probably talking to other women with the same experience will help me get over him. I love this guy and I know I will always love him but this is not a healthy relationshiop and I cannot wait forever for him. I know he won't leave his wife, he told me so.

Pls tell me what to do.

VickyLee VickyLee
26-30
6 Responses Mar 20, 2009

Thank you all. I will be strong. I will not be a doormat no longer !

be strong VickiLee!! <br />
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you can be on your own and find the love you deserve x

A lesson I learned a long time ago, is that you can't call it "love" unless it's returned. <br />
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You are having a 'romantic affair', he is having a 'fling' He doesn't love you. therefore, by definition you cannot 'love' him. You can be obsessed by him, you can feel affection for him, you can certainly be infatuated. But you can't be in love because it's not returned. People don't treat people that they''re in love with the way your MM treats you.<br />
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Sorry sweetie. Head up, and kick on!!

Thanks you girls for the advice. I do wish to negotiate with him and tell him that I want the contact as before, but he's been telling me that right now we could only be friends with the occasional sex, or else he would feel too guilty. He's being very selfish isn't it? These are all just his excuses. <br />
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I love him even though he has hurt me like this. Everyday I wake up I hope that I will not love him any longer but the sad thing is I still do. I'm so pathetic.

I'm in the break-up process with mine. We love each other, but he can't work it out.<br />
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I think of it this way, you say you "love him"... love yourself first. What would you tell your best girlfriend? Would you tell her that how he treats you is ok?<br />
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We're all human, don't look back in regret or try to change him. The only person you can control is yourself. Now gather some confidence that you deserve the best and love yourself first. You really can't love him or even give him what you think he needs if you can't do what's right for you.<br />
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Hi may leave someday, but guaranteed he will not leave for a doormat. Take charge.

You know your not alone, thats why your here. Your alot like me, you don't want to be ran over (which is basically what hes doing) but you also don't want to be alone. You love him more than he obviously loves you, cuz if he loved you that much he wouldn't go running back to her, breaking it off and leave you holding the bag. I'm not alot of help in this department but I do know what an emotional toll its taking on you. I am going thru something VERY simulair. It's an emotional state that unless you have been here you will never understand. My main thought is for you to tell him, that you want more from a relationship like this than just ocassional sex, that you want the contact like you had in the begining. Unfortunatley in this situation of being the other woman it doesn't give us alot of room for negotiation, and all in all I really believe thats why they run over us like they do. I hope in some way that this has helped though I'm not real sure how, LOL!