Kinda Messy

So, after co-habitating with my husband for 17 years, the last nine we've been married, I had pretty much resigned myself to " this is as good as it gets". 

Then I re-met a man from my past ( I'll call him Hank), we had both been single at the time, a young whirlwing of love, but no sex, I had broken it off with Hank when he said he loved me, I felt things were getting too serious and got scared.  23 years later, Hank & I find each other, we instantly clicked, like no time had passed.

Shortly after that, I discovered my husband has had a long standing addiction to ****, which explained his emotional unavailablility, and made me realize that the depression I'd got into was caused by his manipultion of me.  The love had died for him previous to that, but I stayed because it was the easier thing to do.

Hank still had all the letters I had written him when we were young, he reminded me of who I was before the abuse of being marrieds to a **** addict took it's toll on me.  I am happier in myself than I ever remember. 

Hank and I believe we are still in love with each other, my marriage is ending, but Hank is married, with 3 children, he says he married her because he got her pregnant, and just stayed because it was the easiest thing to do.

Hank & I want to be together, he wants to leave his wife, but doesn't know how much to tell her, she doesn't know about me.  Our intention was never to hurt anyone, we didn't expect to re-light the old flame, and now are not sure what to do next.

As a side note, my husband is in the hospital, on a suicide watch and says he has nothing to live for unless I go back to him.  I have no interest in re-building that relationship.  I don't like who I become when around him

Gazardiel Gazardiel
36-40
1 Response Mar 23, 2009

Re your husband's condition. You are not responsible for how anyone else deals with crap that happens to them. Your husband is choosing to try to punish you. Please don't let him.<br />
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Re Hank. Hank needs to be physically be OUT OF the house before you do anything, because let me tell you right now, as special as it seems, all you have is a typical affair and I know whereof I speak.<br />
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It is ALMOST impossible for married men w/ kids to leave. Those men tell their OW many many things, and most of them are lies. Because if it were as bad as they tell you it is they would've left. But it's comfortable and bearable. Read the book "Will He Really Live Her for Me?". <br />
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You might be able to help Hank leave his wife, but he needs to WANT TO LEAVE and make a commitment to it, before he becomes dateable material for you. IMHO of course ;-)