Hi, I Am New Here

Hello everyone, I am  new to this and I am the other woman.

Recently my ex and I split up. I was blindsided.I moved out and so on. I was devastated.One night I went out and I met this guy.He was nice. After he got my phone number he accidently mentioned his wife.I told him to lose my number and I thought that he did.

A week later he called!We started talking. Then we started talking constantly.We saw each other a few times ad then we eventually kissed.I know that this is wrong and I know how bad it hurts because my ex was cheating, but I still talk to him and see him whenever I can.My friends tell me that nothing but bad will come from this.I am sure that they are right.But I feel so connected to him.I don't know if its because I feel so vulnerable because of what happened to me or what?I have tried to end it before it goes any further, but he talks me out of it.We haven't had sex yet, but I know it will happen.I am just so confused.

KatherineR KatherineR
8 Responses Mar 24, 2009

Been there, done that like so many others out there. It's not right we all know it, but it's so ahrd and complicated. My advise, take those great feelings and memories, cherish them, let them help you to give you the confidense to move on. If you do not have to see him(like at work), or have to speak with him, then I suggest that you tell him what you need to say and end it. Sorry. I add an old saying, "if you love it let it go. if it's ment to be it will return." Good luck

Thank You Obj. My friends are telling me to date others and I am sure that I will one day.But like I said, I feel so connected to him.I think I really need to talk to my therapist some more about this.

At least your here before it gets really bad. Although sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to pick ourselves up, I hope you won't.<br />
<br />
Being the OW is not a good place to be, you'll not recover from your ex's infidelity by doing this. Work on your self and don't let him in your life at least until you are stronger and will make well thought out decisions.<br />
<br />

I know how it feels being in the wifes place.I hurt 24/7 because of what my ex did.I also struggle with doing that to somebody else.It makes me a hypocrite.I guess at this time I really don't love myself because I feel that nobody else does.So I am taking any attention that I can get.Thats all I can come up with.

Put yourself in the wife's place. How would you feel?

Get out while u can.<br />
Each moment is a step to disaster.<br />
My friend met a guy..lovely..turned her life upside down..loving caring,emotionally stable, generous etc etc..guess what!!<br />
HE IS MARRIED but seperated<br />
<br />
I have met the guy he is a smooth operator and boy does she love him tears worries etc etc BUT he is fantastic and she is OVER THE MOON TO HAVE HIM IN HER LIFE..<br />
What a shame about the fly in the ointment X 2.

I’m a man and I love and have loved more than one woman.<br />
From my vantage point you are probably in a no win situation.<br />
<br />
Its Sooooo… complicated!<br />
<br />
Let’s look at some of the truths and falsehoods in the pattern OK?<br />
<br />
You’re alone and hurt True<br />
He makes you feel wanted again True<br />
You don’t love him True <br />
He doesn’t love you True<br />
What his wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her ????<br />
His wife doesn’t love him False<br />
He won’t/can’t leave his family True (IMHO)<br />
He can’t/won’t be there for you in need True<br />
<br />
So…. What are your options?????<br />
Take what you need from him until you feel stronger then move on.<br />
Live on the hope he’ll see that you were meant to be a couple. (How long)<br />
Settle for a day or two a week with him and loneliness for the other days.<br />
Nag him to leave his wife till he leaves you.<br />
Leave him and make the best of your singleton status (date other men).<br />
Others …. (I’m sure there are others but these are enough to illustrate the situation)<br />
<br />
So…. What should you do?<br />
Do what ever you need to do for short term survival.<br />
Then develop a long term plan to secure your own continued happiness.<br />
Hope you have no lasting regrets.<br />
<br />
Good luck, you have my sympathies.<br />
Life is hard but it’s the only game in town…..

Your not alone. We have all been there at some point or another. We all also sit by waiting on the phone to ring or for him to walk thru the door. Your as confused as I am when it comes to all this. We want to end it before we get hurt, but we also want it to continue as we like the attention. What do we do in the mean time? That I can not answer, I'm just taking one minute and one day at a time and praying for it to turn out for the good, what ever that is! I can't give you advice on how to or if you should end it. But I can tell you to hold your head high and know that you are not alone!