I am now the only woman :) it has been officially ended this morning, he was straight on the phone to me who was awesome at playing it cool despite up all night worrying! He was going to come over but we both decided against it as he needs time to recover maybe. He has gone straight over to his friends now for the week half way up the country, and he even asked me to come! I said no, the break will do us good, fresh start when u come back. We had a little discussion on 'us'...slowly slowly and talks about trust issues is on the agenda but he said he finally has realised love is built on friendship first and everything comes thereafter :) my words that I have been telling him since day one when I fell for him and throughout our three year friendship.
So a whole week and a bit now for us to let this sink in.
I am full of adrenaline! Ups and downs too today. This is everything I want. A chance! All I wanted was a chance and we are both finally free and single to do that!!
I haven't been so patient, and I've been given awesome advice by you all, made me hold on in there and have faith. Some told me I was stupid but I guess I always knew there was something worth holding onto. And the one thing that seemed to work was not to push!! It's taken him since Xmas to get to this point, without me asking him to choose. Becoming 'understanding' despite my anxiousness behind the scenes. Of course my jealousy and neediness showed through but he also became more understanding of that once I stopped pushing for an answer. He made this choice himself!!!! I realised through advice on here this was the only way. And now I can believe in the conviction of his choice because I did not sway it one bit.
So there we are...not a success story yet! But our chance is finally here :)
foreverWantingMore foreverWantingMore
36-40, F
9 Responses Mar 21, 2015

wow. that is messed up. maybe it'll come back and bite you in the ***, and one day "your" guy's new "other woman" will be posting on here relishing how he finally left you for her!

He went back to his wife if I remember rightly.

I see. Well, when will these ladies ever learn? No self respect begets no respect. Banking all her hopes and dreams on a man to leave his family for her...who in their right mind thinks that's a good respectable long-term plan?

Yeah, banking hopes and dreams on destroying a family and dressing it up as a big earth shattering romance. They go from one married guy to the next, same stories different names. They're really boring to me now. I don't think they realise nothing they say is unique or original. They're like clones. They're disposable and interchangeable. I suppose it's sad for them really but it's their own fault.

paliglass, THANK YOU!!!! OMG, I was beginning to feel like I'm the crazy one after stumbling upon the "I'm the Other Woman" threads. Some of these women really have convinced themselves that stealing someone else's husband is actually OKAY! You're like the first sane person I've met in these threads. I couldn't believe how some of these "other women" so fiercely defended their position as a mistress as if it's a badge of honor now to be a home wrecker. One woman (on a different story) even told me that as the other woman, she credits herself with SAVING her lover's marriage! And when God forbid someone makes a comment NOT supporting their affairs, they'll all jump up at once to tell you how there's nothing wrong with what they are doing and that we don't have the right to judge them! I didn't know there were such shameless people before I came across these folks.

Alot of them claim "I saved the marriage" it's pathetic, hilarious and inaccurate. Marriages get stronger after affairs because work is done on the marriage and the couple unites against the common enemy of the over entitled and delusional "other woman" There's "I am not the other woman" group for sane people. The "ow" read our group a bit so if you want to tell them something without having to get into a mind numbing and pointless conversation with them then post on "I am not the other woman"

good to know. Definitely will join the "I am not the other woman" group and return to the realm of sanity...

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He left before and was with you for a while and then went back to his full time partner.

I hope he's worth the wait. :)

being in somewhat in your shoes I have to say this. Most affairs do not lead to long term healthy relationships. The relationship is doomed from the beginning because it is comprised of two people with no integrity, no moral boundaries, and no respect for commitment. There is an old saying that I have found to be very true: You cannot build happiness on someone else's pain. However, people still try to, and they always fail. I know you want this chance and hope it works out for you but there is soooooo much in between you him and your happiness.

Things I am about to point out are for people that are good people that have mad some bad decisions. If You both are bad people down to your core well!! There is no future for you. But here is goes

1st. I know as off know you feel he is your soulmate but just give it 6 months to two years. When your fog stage (infatuation) settles down or diminishes watch out for the fireworks and I don't mean like the good kind.

2nd. One or both off you will have extreme trust issues. In your harts there always be that doubt "what he/she can do to others can do to me" there is alway going to be some one more smother, more charming, more interesting and prettier then you.

3rd. One day you both WILL!!! Wake up realize that you have hart people that are around you, your family, your friends your morals and ultimately who you are as a person. Together or not it is something that you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life. Trust me it's not a good feeling to have.

4th. Some statistics for you to consider.
All relationships based on infidelity only 25% make to marriage out off which only 1% live a happy and productive lives. Meaning stars have to be in-line for this to work. I know I know what your thinking, I could be that 1% hahaha

Me and the wife have made it to 8 years now but we had hurt each other a lot more then how we hurt our partners since we have got together. Grass is never greener on the other side lady love that you feel right now is just a allusion.

hopefully this helps you. understand what you are about to get your self in too.

My mm cheated on his last wife with his current wife. So his current wife (who he has cheated on for 30 years) used to be his mistress.

They are very happily married. He choose to stay with her and continue cheating on her for the rest of his life.


Wow really?! Some men are never satisfied!! Fortunately I can say both of us never went into this for kicks or to fulfil missing things in our relationships. We are just merely two people who have an amazing friendship that has proved it cannot be touched. And we have tried living without each other but it doesn't work. On paper we are not good. Our heads say no but our hearts say yes. So we have always never been in the right place at the right time with each other. But at last we are for the first time ever. He doesn't condone cheating and neither do I. Hence why I left my husband after that one naughty kiss. With my guy now, he knows he wasn't committed to her (girlfriend, didn't see each other regular enough for my liking, wasn't going anywhere) whereas with me, I come with kids and I need stability. He knows he cannot mess me around hence why he has stayed away. Too much responsibility. So although I will have trust issues, I also have to trust his integrity and know as his best friend, he wouldn't want to hurt me. If he suddenly didn't want me anymore, I know he would just say and leave. We need big talks on all this!

I think I can relate or understand. Once you cross that threshold you lose a little about your self and it becomes hard to stop your self. I cheated on my wife many time( who use to be my mistress). I guess if it's ok with your MM's wife then .......

Arwhap: It is not ok with the mm's wife (in my case). I refused to sleep with him - and regret all other forms of physical contact. He just lied to get what he wanted with little care to how his cheating and lies affected others.

It's really sad that you are tricking your wife into thinking you are one person when really you are a liar. Maybe she would choose not to be with you - if she knew what you were. You have taken that choice from her. That is selfish.

That is actually stealing your stealing the other persons right to make a decision regarding their life in fact your stealing from their soul
I am addressing your answer not saying your the person just verifying the stealing bit

Well if she willing to accept that fact that she is now going where everyone has been before lol. Must be awful to walk down the street and know your husband has possibly screwed the women next to you in the shopping line.
And if read your post correctly now has you. Hope your going for a medical check every time he sleeps with you. best of luck

I understand what you have said. We fell in love from afar three years ago. There infatuation and fog as you call it happened then. We have already done that stage. We then started again as friends whilst we saw other people. We even got I a best friend stage where nothing sexual existed at all, not even flirting. I buried my feelings so deep I think I actually got over him at one point. We still stayed a constant factor in each others' lives, helping each other through mundane things like paying bills and talking through life problems. The last 9 months haven't been a whirlwind affair. There have been no promises of forever or declarations of everlasting love. We are merely two friends who yes, believe in soul mates of some kind, and are willing to find out for real what this all means and why we have remained such a constant in each others' lives.
Yes there are trust issues. Will he cheat on me? Am I enough? The only thing that will see me through this is knowing he has never ever committed to me because he felt if he chose me it would be forever-he sees me as a 'forever' girl because of my children. He knows he cannot mess me around. He has said unless he is 110% sure of how he feels, he cannot commit because otherwise he would be possibly lead me down a path to heartache and he cannot do that to me when I have two young children to consider. Because of this, I know when he does say he wants to be with me, it's the truth. We will discuss all this though. It hasn't been a normal sparks flying affair and we both had morals before this funnily enough!! The only thing I can believe in is that this three years has meant something because of how weird it was!! Stats don't bother me one bit. All stats are flawed unless they have interviewed the entire world's population. And I'm pretty sure they haven't...
Yes I've hurt my husband but I left him the day my lips met this guys. I never cheated exactly after that. Some of my family are hurt too but because I left my husband full stop! But I cannot lead a life they want me to. I'm finally telling people my story, friends and some family and I have support and his family know about me too. I'm scared they will blame me for his split with the good girl he just broke up with tho.
Thanks for your advice x

I hope it turns out ok for you keep us all posted good luck to you on your new venture

Caddriss I am not shore way you blocked me but ok what ever hare is my response to your comment

What goes around comes around. I have already learned my lesson. I was having a EA with a friend of mine and I was at a point of leaving my wife. But I stopped even thou I had two PA's afterword I had the will to completely stop. Only to find her cheating on me with her boss in a PA/EA a year later. Now cats out of the bag she knows every thing.

After talking to her about foreverwantingmore's story last night she told me she never thought or saw that I could hart her.

Caddriss some one should tell her, with prof. I think every one deserves to know.

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So glad your patience paid off. Maybe there is hope for the rest of us.

Omg that's awesome . So happy for you

Fantastic news! Very excited for you. x

So happy for you.

I have never told him to choose but I have I other ways. Not proud of myself for that.

His wife is due back next month. We will find out if she is going to move to another state to be with her daughter and grandkids. Or chose to stay here. If she moves, it will be interesting to see if he or she asked for a divorce.

Good luck to you. I wish you both happiness.

Thank you!!
I've done the choose or else, you have so many days to choose, I'm off to find a new man etc. the only thing that worked, without games, was just letting things happen naturally. I hope yours works out too xx

How did you stay string through that? I'm having the hardest time and I feel like I'm loosing patience!

Mine choose his wife... Lied to me about everything. I hope things go better for you. I would believe it when I see it! These guys words mean little to me after my horrible experience.

I have very little patience. It's only when you reach the end that you look back and think wow how did I get through that?? Lots of tears and stress and amazing friends. I never kept my thoughts in though. Always wore my heart on my sleeve. I guess all I can say is, if they want to know, they will take the 'bullshit' from you.i have noticed that during the periods where he pulled away and tried to work on his relationship he had less patience with me and didn't care what I said, but since Xmas time if I mention I'm jealous or ask questions he will always answer and say he understands why I'm asking. His mindset has changed. His attitude towards me has changed. So I can only advise to stay how you are-if something concerns u, speak up!! If he wants to know and does care, his reaction will show you he does...or doesn't. As for asking to choose-once I let go, he didn't feel under pressure and has chosen this of his own back whilst I sit there telling him I will be there for him as a friend first and foremost. Supportive. Not being bossy and telling him its a choice. Even he said he's splitting for HIM not for me. Of course it affects us but if he owns his choice, it's much better. It's a man thing. X

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