Being The Other Woman Don't Mean To Replace His Own Woman, So Why Not?

I posted this as a comment in someon'e story but then thought why not post it as story. So here it goes:

When done discretely and no one gets hurt, the relationship with a married man is totally harmless. I am not out to break anyone's marriage nor mine. If a man finds me sexually attractive and I enjoy his coming on to me, I'll go for it. He needs to show me that he cares enough to have relationship with me and I am his "the other woman" I am all for it. I don't wish to replace his first woman. I know this type of relationship are not long lived and I am okay with it. On the other hand, I don't wish to be one night stand either. Does that make sense?

SunnyBelle SunnyBelle
26-30, F
28 Responses Feb 26, 2010

+1!!

Being on EP I have come across quite a few stories on otherwise happy marriages but the one thing missing is sex. Under these circumstances your comments would be right, it's better to fulfil your sexual desires outside of marriage if this is lacking in nthe marriage. It's not worth breaking the marriage, just get that fulfilment outside and keep it discreet so no one gets hurt.

Thank you. That's exactly how I feel about this, being happy is what matters the most. And sexual fulfillment is on the top of being happy. Now some may say, sex is not everything, well that's part of being human, ask someone who lives in sexless marriage, how frustrated their life is. Do I make sense?

I like your perspective on this...

Friends with Benefits is like having the Best Health insurance for free.. is that possible ?? I would like to have one...

I think sex can be just sex but there is a lot to loose for both involved in an affair. Is it the sex or the "danger" of an affair? If it is just the sex then have you ever thought about an open marriage? This obviously only works if you husband is willing. Doing together may make it just as exciting.

I believe in a relationship of which sex would definitely be part of it, but I don't believe in open marriage. I wanna keep it discrete. Open marriage is like swinging life style and I'm not for it. Don't understand your comment "Is it the sex or the "danger" of an affair? Please clarify.

Thank you for the reply. I guess the danger is kind of like sex in a public place. The possibility of getting caught is a thrill and a turn on to some people. I understand swinging is a little different. Would you consider it polyamory? My girlfriend and I have talked about other partners but would also like it discrete. Not multiple or strange people we do not know. Please do not take this as a disapproving question as it is not, but what would be different if you both had another partner? I know I would not want people in my community to know if we were swingers or had an open relationship.

Are you saying you would not get involved in a one night stand if that was all you could be assured of? Going in understanding it's just one night takes the pressure off. If one person doesn't want it to continue no one gets hurt because expectations were set well. If it continues to another one nighter that's awesome.

Yes CB, it's very intriguiging, above all we all have to make sure we don't hurt anyone. So I believe in discretion.

Hope you'll let me know when and if you let him open the treasure chest, I'll support you either way..

lol yes i know what you mean sunny! I am so sorry the guy I am interested in is married. It would be so much easier if he was single. So far I've shed my panties but still deciding if I should spread my legs ;) Don't know if I can resist! Closets aren't all they are cracked up to be anyway.

Marty, however you feel about such relationships, you need to be foresighted and wise about taking the first step. Yes once you shed your panties and spread your legs, panties will never get back on and legs will never be back together. It's like what they say about getting out of the closet, once you are out, you can never get back in. Ok, this may not be a good analogy but you know what I mean.

the last analogy works well for men ;)

Somehow I feel after reading all this that I have to be very careful as I am almost to the point where I could be that "other woman" The guy I am "interested" in is married and at this time I barely know him but I am sexually attracted to one of his "assets". I will have to be careful about this as I know I do not want to ruin any marriages. I might be getting way ahead of myself here but from what I have read here it only takes one small step and once taken its hard to step back.

Hi Bluenote, I read your comment a couple of days ago and wanted to get back to you. I am little confused when you said you screwed up in that you fell in love but don't get the benefits. First and foremost is the other woman married, if not get her married to someone she could enjoy life with. More on that later. If she is married.. then I don't see what the problem in both of you benefitting from your closeness. Neither of you need to or should let that affect your or her family.<br />
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Talk to me !!

I guess I screwed up in that I fell in love with the other woman and don't get the benefits. I still try to take care of things at home but I think it is possible to love two women. The other woman knows our statuses will never change, but we fill an emotional void for each other that exists in both our lives. It may not be right, but when you are knee deep in it, it seems like the most right thing in the world.

Makes perfect sense.. You very much entitled !

I must admit....I sometimes wish I had one of those.

Oh yes, absolutely !!

Sort of like being a "friend with benefits"?

I know. That's why I said I understand even if I don't completely agree. <br />
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Thank you. :-)

Sarah, in vanilla world its little different. What you are saying is totally right. I am speaking from a married person perspective. Things a little complicated when you are married. It all depends if you have an open marriage or closed marriage. I also know you wish to be 100% open marriage and that is so rare. Good luck to you, dear.

I don't know that I completely agree with this. But I can definitely understand it. This is why I want an open/polyamorous relationship. So I can love someone but we can sleep with whoever we want. The need for sex is biological and monogamy is really against nature, in my opinion. We beat ourselves and each other up trying fit into this mold of perfect commitment to another person. <br />
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If I slept with someone else, I would want my partner to know and to be okay with it. But that is just me. I guess I've had to lie about so much in my life, that I avoid adding any more to it. I want to be able to be honest but also get the things I want. Hiding, in my experience, eventually becomes painful. <br />
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But I love that your are open enough to have your own ideas about marriage and sex instead of just accepting what society tells you.

I have sex with my husband all the time but there is no emotional bond there, it's strictly physical, we're just **** buddies. That's how it is in our marriage where we don't love each other anymore. We share a house and work together to take care of the kids, but we aren't attached emotionally to each other. I get my emotional needs met by my Master. He's married too and is very honest about loving His wife. He's been most upfront about not having anything more with me than a Master/slave relationship and I am very pleased with it. We are bonded closely together sexually and have a good relationship. I know his wife and kids will always come first in His life as will my husband and kids. It's a win-win situation for both of us.

Ward, loved your story. How long did the affair last? Did you and her broke up or what really happened with you and her. You said she never wanted a ********* again, so I am wondering.

I have been on both sides of the fence, and I know it is a tight rope to walk. I can remember being the other woman, and the nights he was with her and not with me. I was happy when he was with me, and I missed him when he was with her. Now that I am married, I would not want my husband to be with the other woman for the same reasons.

I agree with all that's been said here. Bonnie, it's great to be able to be detached and to know what you want and to restrict it just to that. I envy you your ability to remain outside the box and it's definitely the right place to be.

Speaking as a mere male it sounds to me like walking a tightrope without a safety net.

Seafox and Eternal, notice I didn't use the phrase emotionally involved or in love with a married man or a single man for that matter. Yes, trust is important cause your own marriage is also on the line. It's not easy to find a man who is honest and us women better know that !!! "I am the other Woman" need to be very emotionally strong and wise before entering into the relationship. I know, it's easier said than done for us. Well, we have a need to be sexed with, a need to be loved to but be need to be careful must not have a need to be emotionally involved. Being emotional is when the problem starts. It's something single people call friends with benefits. I love to spend his money on wining, dining, shopping, quick get away vacations, etc. So I have a need to be that that T.O.W in tow. Yes I like physical connection but without strings. Again discrete discrete and discrete sex and love.

Gotta be emotionally strong to be T.O.W.. We should not think too far ahead cos there isn't a 'what next' for a MM and T.O.W.. And most times... women gets hurt..cos we started to have 'hope'...

If only! I sort of entered into it the same way, now I'm really kicking myself. What hurts is the lies. No way that a man who lies to his wife will tell you the truth. But if you're truly okay with keeping things at a purely physical level, I envy you. Problem is, sex for men is physical, for women, emotional. Seems we're always the ones being hurt.