I Learned About This When I Was About 30

My mother told me about this when I was about 30 and trying to decide whether to have a second baby.  My husband was against it, but I wanted another baby very much.  We discussed it and I raised the possibility of going off the pill without telling him, and asked her what she thought of that.

She told me I shouldn't do that (which I more or less knew anyway, but I was considering all options) because of what had happened to her.  She said my father didn't want a second child (I have one older brother) and when he found out she was pregnant again, he was very angry and accused her of tricking him.  But the truth was that the birth control--they didn't have "the pill" yet--just failed.  Anyway, it apparently caused a lot of trouble.; she wanted another grandchild but still advised me not to do it that way.  (Later on, my husband started wanting a second one more, and so I got my second child honestly. :)

Learning about this changed my attitude about life somewhat.  At first, I was sad--thinking that I was unwanted and a source of trouble.  But later, I began to see my life as an amazing gift.  Life always is, but in my case... it was so unlikely that I would be born, but still, here I am.  When I think about it--which I rarely do--it makes me appreciate each day more. 

Lots of other people must find out over time that they were unplanned; I wonder if the knowledge has the same effect on them. 

freeeedom freeeedom
51-55, F
7 Responses Aug 2, 2007

I was a change of life mistake. It was common knowledge my mother was very unhappy over this and even had a breakdown when I was 3 and I spent a summer with an aunt in another state. I grew up with my brothers letting me know my mother didn't want me. I have a nephew my age. My mother was sort of a cold fish, physically abusive and was very critical of everything about me. She dressed me like a freak and we didn't have much of a relationship until I was 30ish. Too bad she was in her 70's by then and died 7 years ago. My father used to say I was the best mistake he ever made. That was his way of letting me know he knew it bugged me and also to let me know he loved me. Story is my Aunt had a frugal husband who bought a very large lot of condoms and then her husband died suddenly. My parents went to visit a couple years later for xmas. My aunt gave my mother the condoms since she wasn't getting any use out of them. The first one out of the box failed and I came along 9 months later. My sister died when I was young and my mother in her grief said to me she wished it was I that died. I was 10yrs old. On my 13th birthday I came home to an empty home (both parents worked evening shift). One the table was a card with money in it (I never got gifts only cards with money) and a anti-abortion pamphlet and a pamphlet about periods. I always hated being her anti-abortion poster child. A child should never be told they weren't wanted.<br />
<br />
Do I need therapy or not?

Type your comment here...

I call my unplanned/birth control failute children "happy accidents". And they were all happy accidents actually:) No, it's a very bad idea to trick a spouse into a pregnancy. Actually it's a very bad idea to trick a spouse into anything.

My son found out he was unplanned and "rubs it in" every once in awhile. I tell him that most of us come into this world unplanned and even Bart Simpson was unplanned. We laugh but the first time he told me that, I was a bit nonplussed. He wonders why he is here and has had such a hard life. I wonder too. <br />
<br />
My mother told me the night she died that she should have never given birth to my sister and me. I told her it was a bit late to be thinking that and laughed. I had to learn to laugh at her remarks or I would have been depressed a lot more than I was and am. <br />
<br />
My girlfriend was an unplanned late in life baby - her mother reminded her of it every chance she got. How sad to be reminded you were not wanted. My girlfriend went through 3 hellish marriages before finding a person who is kind to her - and I think this is a reflection of how her mother talked to her. <br />
<br />
Both of my unplanned kids know they are loved unconditionally and that makes such a difference. Kids need to know they are loved no matter what.

I have often wondered the circumstances upon my conception, yet have never had the nerve to ask. I realized it really didn't matter considering I'm here and it IS what I make of it regardless how I started out ...<br />
<br />
GREAT story to share ...

That's an awesome attitude to have! :D Here you are, against the odds. And in a way, isn't that what the greatest and most special things in life are? The things that improbable, but their very unlikeliness is what makes them special.<br />
<br />
Great story!

I know several women who view their child that they have because of birth control failure as a child that just needed to born. I like that view.