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Deployment Not On base Yet But He Over There Issue Before He Got Deployed

I cant tell you how hard this is for me .I have not seen my bf in almost a year .At one point we broke up but we are together now .When we got back together he was training for deployment and everything was fine until a month before deployment or something .I cant say I know what he going throw but I know its hard and everything .I wounder if he really knows how hard this is on me .Its not just his deployment its ours .Sometimes it hurts and I act like I am OK because its the only thing to keep me going .In the past I dealt with his mood when every time he becomes stress he becomes distance on everyone and don't talk or when he talk not making since .At one point before he got stressed he would text me all the time because he did not take his PC with him for training I don't think he was allowed or something .He sent me a text one time was like oh I know its hard not having me around and its OK if you have sex or something .How do I know he not doing that behind my back .Every since he said that its like its stuck in my head and I don't want to think he cheating on me but I don't know what he doing .He ask my mom throw email to get engaged and stuff that was the plan for when he comes home.The time before the break up he said he cant flirt or have sex .Laly before the deployment he becoming distance and not talking much but he talk to everyone else on face book or email.He use to comment my stuff or email me back .When I email him sometimes its like he don't email me back and I don't understand why .I feel like he talk to everyone but me .Our conversation not the same he use to tell me how he feels or whats going on and stuff .Now its like he barley saying anything .He on his way over there now but not there yet .Before he told me he was worry about getting killed and its not a place for chilling and that he be cold hearted because if he don't he will die .He also told me that he wont talk much because he need to have a clear mind .Why is he talking to everyone ele then .He told my mom the military comes first then family and friends .What about me .Sometimes I am afraid he wanted to just end it and give up .I don't know whats going on ?Sometimes I feel like I am losing him .I miss talking him the old him .Am I over reacting ?Can someone please talk to me ?
kellner27 kellner27 18-21, F Jan 31, 2012

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