Confusion And Fights =/

So my boyfriend has been back in iraq for 6 weeks now. At first things were going well we told eachother we love eachother we webcamed and talked everyday but now all we've done lately is argue and fight. it's like all the time and i hate it. he tells me he's stressed out and its easier for him to just take it out on me instead of dealing with it. every little thing isdo wong he gets mad at me for and i hate it. last week he told me he was thinking about breaking up because he thinks he's holding me back even though i know he isnt. its jsut so hard cause he still had 7 months left and hes only been gone for one. he tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but at the same time hes really stressed and says he doesnt know cause we're still only 18. we're stilll together but its hard. lkately all he does is put up walls and doesnt tell me whats wrong. and i get hes trying to protect me but still it bothers me cause im suppose to always tell him when somethings wrong. For the most part i know alot of it has to do with us really missing eachother  and being stressed. but is fighting really normal???

is him being deployed and being over there causing all of our fights or is it me?

i always feel like im doing something wrong. maybe im just being paranoid..i need some thoughts...

Babiface91 Babiface91
18-21, F
17 Responses Jan 6, 2010

I went through this same thing when my boyfriend was in basic. We had been arguing a little. But he was stressed from training, and I was stressed with my freshman year of college. He called one night and said he wanted to break up because he felt like he was keeping me from having fun. I had to explain to him that if I didn't want to be with him, then I wouldn't have started the journey with him. He's now in Iraq and we started out on shaking ground because it was his first deployment, so we both were very nervous and more scared than we wanted to admit. <br />
So, yes, the deployment is stressful for him. But he needs to know that it isn't fun for you either. The way I see it is if you're meant to be, then you will be. You can't fight fate.<br />
Hope things get better for you!

to carrieannxo7:<br />
Thanks yeah i know what yuo mean aboutt eh being an ***. it def is hard. At times i forget he's away in a dessert risking his life and all i see is his behavior and how he doesnt need to be treating me that way, and i forget about what he's going through. but then i realize half the reason he acts the way he does is becuase of being soo far away and the stuff he goes through everyday. its such a b;essing to hear form him when i do becuase it reminds me that he does care and he's not always pushing me away. I just gotta get through the 7 last months thats hes away and realize he's coming home to me. it's just as long journey to get through trying to make it without him being here and keeping faith with the love and connection we have with eachother and forgetting about the fights and arguments. thanks for your advice and thoughts.

I think that while the man is deployed, it's best to just keep him happy. My husband was at times, excuse my language, a complete *** while he was in Afghanistan. He was just angry all of the time. But I just kept reminding myself that I have absolutely no idea what he is seeing or what he is doing. Yeah, I knew he went out on patrols, but not until he got home did I know details of the awful ordeals he went through. Deployments are very hard to get through, and I gotta tell you, the last few days before them seem to be icky too. I think it's the whole knowing that your man is leaving makes you bitter, and he knows he's leaving too so he's bitter too. Just nod along with it, just put up with it. You have no idea what he's gone through, and chances are you probably never will know it to the extent that he does. If things go for you like they did for me, the reuniting is just the best thing ever. After you see each other for the first time after that long time apart, you forget every single bad thing you had said to one another. You're not alone hun.

Thanks.well ive told him i dont appreciate the way he acts and if he keeps it he knows he needs to change. neither one of us want to break up but it gets so stressful sometimes we get moments where we think why bother. But i told him i dont want us to break up and our relationship is worth it he just needs to stop being so rude all the time and not take everything out on me. i really hope thnigs get better and not worse. last night i talked to him and apologized for being so distant wth him and all he does is complain about be not communicating with him even though i do. its frustrating. But ido try to reassure him that i love him, and he knows i do i tell him that everytime we talk. thanks for your advice.

My boyfriend was like that too. But when he came home for R&R he realized he needed to stop being like that. If it really bothers you and you think it's just getting worse, I would sit down and write him an email. Just explain to him how you are feeling, and what you are feeling and see what he says. Maybe if he doesn't feel like he is being put on the spot when you have conversation and he can answer on his own terms he will feel a little less in attach mode, it's just an idea though...but it's worth a shot. I would just let him know that you aren't going anywhere and you love him no matter what but this is what you are feeling and you want to me sure things work out because you love him. Let me know if you need anything else...

Starinurnite8-<br />
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Thanks. that really is true. He's told me how he cant or doesnt want to show his emotions. the most he'll say is how he hates it there. but nothing more than that. Right now for us he's aalways getting at me because he thinks i dont "communicate" with him. Like we'll talk but not to eachother just "at" eachother if that makes any sense?!? it's like theres a wall bulit between us.And lately all we talk about is the same old stuff, but it's like theres not much to talk to him about. And he wont talk to me about whats up with him either which makes it even harder. I dont sometimes i feel like he just says that cause he's really stressed and dfrustrated and jsut wants something to get mad at. any advice on that would be really helpful!

Hey...I just read your comment. I wanted to tell you that although this is my first time in dealing with a deployment, I see often that my boyfriend is kind of cold, or stand off-ish. I spoke to one of his friends in his troop overseas and he explained something to me that makes a lot of sense and makes things a little easier. He told me that the military teaches their soldiers to sort of block out their emotions and because of that they act sort of hard and can be kind of unaffectionate but it isn't because he doesn't love you and want to work things out, it's just because that's the way they deal with things over there, they aren't supposed to let their emotions get the best of them because it can cause problems for them and put them at risk. I don't know how helpful this information will be, but if you ever need to talk I am here...

Wow i cant believe that. she should understand where youre coming from and be more supportive. Yeah i tell him how he's the best thing to come in my life tell him it alot because its true alot of times he tries to act like he's not, mostly becuase he's really insecure about himself and thinks really low of himself because the way he grew up, i was the one person whose always beeen there always telling him how great of a guy he is even though at times he cant see it. he s an amzing guy jsut realllly stubborn. YEah my best friend is always telling me how i deserve better and dont need the stuff he puts me thorugh and my sis says the same it drizes me insane cause i know if i try to get advice itll always be toward leaving nd not working things out. they for some reason have it in their heads that his behavior isnt cause of him being away but thats how he will always be and thats just not true and it sucks they feel that way. cause it makes me feel that i have no one to tal kto about things. Yeah its the same way with us about the positivety thing. im a very happy go lucky person and hes really negative and thinks the worst of life. half the reason he doesnt know why i love him so much his insecurites talking i suppose. But i always reassure him how wonderful he is. and thanks to me he's finally startin to blieve that there's a God. mostly cause i put so much faith in our relationship knowing all the crap he's put me through before and while being away. our realationships been a rollercoaster for sure. Yeah and he def chooses to be negative. i always tell him to sound happier but tahts something he just refuses to do. which is understandable of the conditions. and i sure aint helping by sounding so sad when i tal kto him. it makes it harder cause he thinks the reason why im always so sad and depressed is becuase of him when its not. hes the best thing in my life right now and i wouldnt trade him for the world. I really need to be more positive. Thanks alott!!! i def will message you, i enjoy talking to you give really good advice! :)

Tara-<br />
Wow thanks i reallly appreciate that!!!! that honestly made me feel alot better. I laways tell him how proud i am of him and he jsut says that theres nothing to be proud of. that they dont do anything over there besides patrolling. So when he says that im like okay? then why are you so distant with me and always getting mad because youre stressed? i dont know maybe he is jsut trying to protect me. i always tell him that i love him and im here for him. he always tells me that i deserve better we almost broke up because he thought he was holding me back and thought i deserved much more. Most of that i believe is being over protective. i mean ive told him his behavior i dont deserve not to say i deserve better but jsut that some his ways he needs to change like picking fun at me all the time. but he told me afterwards he knows i dont want to be with anyone else and that i do truely love him and same for him. even after our fights he told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. so imma hope and pray things work out. it jsut gets hard because i dont have much support here at home. all my friends and some fam keep telling me that we should break up even though i truely dont want to. in my heart i know our problems are cause of him being away but all they see is his behavior. it makes it really hard. Yeah he apologizes too before he left he kept telling me how bad he flt for all the crap he put me througfh and how strong i am for sticking by him and how blesssed he is to have me in his life. I just love him so much. ido hope things get better. i cant imagine what it must be like over there. Thank you very much for your encouragement, it really helped :D i love the people on here, its so nice ahving someone to talk to who get where i m coming from.

Aww I'm boyfriend has had missions but they've only lasted aday or two at most. What's his MOS? Just stay strong for him. So are you guys doing okay other than that? Mines been really stressed and getting mad everytime we talk. Hopefully that's all thatis. It just really worries me sometimes. One minute were doing really good thenhe"ll get mad over the smallest things and I always worry it's over something im doing wrong. I wish you the best! I'll keep you guys inmy prayers

Well it's been over two weeks since I've heard from my soldier.. he's on a classified mission somewhere in Iraq so he's unable to make any contact of even tell me where he is. I'm worried beyond worried, but keeping my chin up. I know he'll call soon. =)

Thanks. And i know i just worry alot :P<br />
HOws it going with you?

If it's what you both want, you'll make it happen :)<br />
<br />
all my best!

to braylynn: thanks and i will. yeah i know we both are still young. in mayb we'll be together for 3 years now,distance is hard but i know we can do it. it just bothers me when we argue so much. youre not suppose to argue so much in relationships ya know. but i suppose having your boyfriend in the military and being in a place so unfamiliar and so far away it's different. I try to live my life without him here but at times i feel guilty and feel as though i should just stay at home becasue he cant be here to do the same. im working towards not doing that and to live my life. thats part of the reason he thinks he's holding me back. yeah he was away three months prior to this right before he had his leave and he was home. its def not easy but we can do it. i just need to not worry so much.

I hate to toss out the age card but I feel that it applies in this situation. You're both so young, and your worlds are going to flip upside down.. to add to that, the service changes everyone's life, no matter how old you are. <br />
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Tours are really hard. They take a toll on our soldiers and destroy the families left behind. Just be aware, you've had to adjust to your same life, but without him in it on a day to day basis. He's had to change his entire life period. Assure him of what you want, and do your best to be supportive. Eight months isn't that long. Be thankful, that's only a bit longer then half a year! Tours can stretch way beyond that as we all know.<br />
<br />
Keep your chin up.

Thanks you guys i really appreciate it. Yeah im trying it's just hard. i never know whats going through his mind half the time. Yeah 7 months isnt alot compared to the rest of our loves so imma hang in there and deal with it hopefully things will get better i really hope so. Thank you very much for your words :)

heyyy everyone has their moments. my guy hasnt left yet but will this summer so i'm new to this whole thing but after talking to the other girls, this seems perty normal. your soldier is going through a whole new experience and is prolly really stressed because he is missing you and home and everything that he has ever known. like i said, i havent gone through being separated from my soldier yet but i know what you mean when you say that you love him and want to spend the rest of you life with him. its really got me depressed just thinking about him having to leave soon. keep your chin up and and let him know that you love him and that you are thinking about him. it means a lot to hear those things.... message me any time =) ~Hannah