Can't Quite Get Over It...

I grew up in a household of glamour.  My mother modeled and was a professional make up artist.  It was the norm for men to clamor over her where ever she went. She was tall, thin, with blond hair and blue eyes.  I was the oldest child, and an absolute tomboy.  I was an athlete, a runner and horse backk rider with aspirations of being a jockey.  My sister, younger by 2 years, loved all the same things as my mother.  It never bothered me until I was 18 though and moved out into the real world.  I always thought anyone could be pretty if they tried.  I was so wrong. 

My sister was pretty.  No, not pretty, she was perfect, dainty chin, full lips, wide blue eyes, flawless skin, and a tiny perfectly sloped nose.  She is called the tmost beautiful girl in the world, and is constantly approached by people to model.  No one can stop talking about how gorgeous she is without effort.  She is on par with those unreachable standards of movie stars.

I wasn't.  Despite efforts, and thousands of dollars on cosmetics, hair, clothes,and the lot, I was plain out ugly.  Just like they crooned over my sister, people just as easily criticise me.  I've been called a dog face, fugly, told that I have a big nose and big teeth, squinty eyes and look ten years too old.  beauty shouldn't matter right?  It's only skin deep my friends say.  But how do you live knowing you're inferior, how can you sit at a table of women ranting about the men calling them beautiful and worshipping them when never once in your life have you been called beautiful.  It shouldn't matter but over the years I've learned to hate myself for it, to consider myself unlovable, and when I see my sister looking like a model in a photo, I don't even want to be alive. Itt's crushed me to the point I have no confidence in anything.  I'm tired of being the ugly one.  I don't know how to handle this.

Melpomene86 Melpomene86
22-25, F
4 Responses Feb 28, 2010

I know how u feel! My olders sister is gorgeous too-big beautiful eyes, nicely shaped nose and perfect lips! Me on the other hand: tiny eyes, big bulbous and bent nose and skinny lips! It just doesn't seem fair and i don't know why it's like this! But although my facial features aren't as perfect as hers- that doesn't mean I'm not pretty! Don't compare yourself to others! You are your own person-make the most of yourself! Also remember there are so many different types of physical beauty!-there's the blue eyed blonde hair beauty like Paris Hilton, the tanned skin dark eyes dark hair beauty like Tyra banks or Adriana Lima, there's the tall skinny beauty like many models, there's the short vuluptiuos beauty like Kim kardashian, there's the classic oriental beauty like Lucy Lui, there's the girl next door beauty like Miranda Kerr! Wot I'm trying to say is there are sooo many different types of physical beauty!-just because you're not tall, skinny and have big blue eyes like your sister doesn't mean ure not beautiful! Make the most of yourself-look after your hair, skin, teeth, body and be proud of who you are! Stop wasting your life being so negative!-have a life and you'll feel important as you'll experience interesting and exciting things! Ps some of the most beautiful women in the world have experienced teasing and major insecurities but they grow from it, become more confident and prove people who called them ugly or teased them wrong!-you can do the same!

I am no expert on beauty or attraction, but I do know what it is like to be a person who's been shortchanged in the looks department. As a guy, I inherited some of the undesirable features of my grandmother: flabby ears, fat cheeks, small eyes, etc. while the other men in my family all have the rugged features of my grandfather. Yes, there is definitely a disparity when it comes to dating: my cousins would date some of the most attractive women I've seen, while I spent many Friday nights alone, even though most of my friends do consider me humorous and somewhat of a conversationalist.<br />
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The first thing you have to do is stop hanging out with your sister so much, because it is having a devastating effect on your self-esteem. As long as you are spending your social hours with this woman, you are going to compare yourself mentally with this supposedly perfect model of female beauty. Once you feel lonely and miserable, it is increasingly hard to attract the right kind of men (as opposed to the jerks), because they sense the self-loathing in you.<br />
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I am not going to reiterate the whole 'inner beauty' or 'the eyes of the beholder' platitudes. What I do know, from my contact with other men, however, is that they do not have the same taste in women. Yes, your sister might have a better shot at becoming Miss July for some magazine, but that does not mean you cannot attract some quality men of your own. Some men may fall head over heels in love with the cheerful blondie with skinny legs, while many others may prefer the lissome athlete who has kept herself fit all these years.<br />
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Then again, not to sound petty, how many of those men fawning over your sister have taken a real interest in her as a person? By not being conventionally beautiful, you might just avoid some of the worst douchebags out there who are only seeking to score a hot woman.

I share your pain. Seriously. I have three sisters and I'm the plain one amoung them. Cause they got better looks than me they have no trouble attracting guys but with me I seem to scare them away. Well not literally but that's what it feels like. I have been insulted by a few guys in the past because of the way I look and it still hurts. People will they are just words and they can't hurt you but it does hurt psychologically. It lowers your self-esteem and self confidence which I hardly have any of anymore. <br />
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It's gotten to the point where I'm convinced that EVERY guy that sees me is going to think I'm ugly. They never say anything but I KNOW they are thinking it. Now when I pass a guy on the street I automatically become self-conscious and turn my head away from them when I pass them so if they can't see me they can't judge me. I've never had a guy smile at me either. But I bet if one did it would be out of pity.<br />
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I sometimes hate my sisters for have love and men in their lives while I have none of that and one time I was crying to my mother about saying the reason I'm alone IS because I'm ugly. She said I'm not but she doesn't see what I see. I haven't looked in the mirror for years because it always depresses me but I remember what I look like and when I try to see myself through a man's eyes I see something quite plain and dull.<br />
Inside I'm a very nice person who is kind, never judgemental, has a good heart and is a good listener with I have a ton of love to give but how am I ever going to find someone to give that all to when guys don't like what is on the outside? If they could just take some interest and get through my plain outside they might be surprised when they find a very nice personality lying within.<br />
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I feel like a good heart that is going to waste and that the world of love and relationships is a forgein world I'll never know. I could make someone very happy but nobody is interested which is why I'm still sitting on the shelf at 37. I really hate my life and often feel I would be better off dead then have to keep living this lonely hell year after year.<br />
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Sorry to ramble on but I just had to get it off my cheast.

You are old enough to seek out people in your life that don't judge by your mother and sister's standards.<br />
Don't feel sorry for yourself. Continue your life with your interests, aspirations, ideals. Do you enjoy conversations about how many men are attracted to someone? I wouldn't. Create your own loving family of friends to surround you.