Dad Look At Me

I have a dad that just doesn't care. he went from being the coolest dad in the world to that person that wouldn't even care if you went into depression. he only cares about my marks and how good at school I'm going to be because he would never accept a daughter who is a failer.
I try to work hard because I want him to be proud of me. But unlike my sister, I never did get that proud shiny eyes to look at me. he's always ignoring me when I talk to him and he won't even give me advice.
he thinks that he can compensate him love with money: he give us our pocket money at the start of the month and then he won't talk to us because he thinks he already did his job.
sometime I feel like I do hate him, but in the end, he's my dad and I can't hate him.
my little brother is now going throught the same problems and I feel so sorry for him because every little boy needs care from his father, so I try to be a father for my brother and teach him things about men and all.
I know he started changing since he cheated on my mother and they ended up fighting all the time until now. I really did wish they divorced and that we did get away from him and his military rules.
pxlow pxlow
18-21, F
16 Responses Dec 7, 2012

I think ur from Indian school , I m from Australia and seen the Indian culture very closely may be this the case ur correct

I'm actually Arabic, not Indian

i know how you feel and please be there for your brother he needs to know stuff about his body and it changing or he will get really scared good luck :)

I have seen no response from you pxlow...have you read any of the responses???

she lost her password T_T sorry

That's cool but I was wondering what was happening!

PS: I was that child too so maybe I understand it some...

The important thing for you to understand is that this is not about you it's about him, and it is something you have no control of! Don't let him decide your value or let his action decide your life or dictate how you change...those are the things that you have control over! You often see with people who act this way that they were abused themselves in someway and don't seem to understand any other way...not an excuse but a reason.

I know he's a human too and that he got his own problems!! but he got a son who needs him, I'm used to being ignored, but I don't want my brother to go through it too!

How is your mother handling all this? Does she see the pain your father is causing? Has anyone tried talking to him? Getting a boyfriend is not the answer, fixing the problem is. Where there is a will there is a way.. have another adult that your father likes and relates to talk to him. Things might change. I know they did when my father was very similar and i finally told his best friend how I felt and what my fathers actions were hurting me so deeply. Now father makes extra efforts, he is your father and he does love you, it might be he does not know a different way and he does not see the pain he is causing.

There is an amazing amount of truth in these posts! I feel your pain! The most wonderful thing we all need to know is, yes, we are truly loved, with a perfect love that only The Father in Heaven and Jesus can give. It is a love that has action behind it, it is not just words spoken but deeds done to show us every single moment how loved we truly are. It is kindness, patience, compassion, gentleness, understanding, empathy In deeds. If we do not receive love how can we give it? We live and learn through experience, without experience, and unfortunately usually painful experience, we never grow. Yet, we must also experience true love so we can give it to others, and only the Father and Jesus are capable of giving perfect love, because God is love, He only knows How to give good things in Deeds done towards our souls, our lives slowly change into peaceful rest, fearing nothing , longing for nothing, because He has made us whole through the Love He fills us with, which will never end. And yet, we search for that kind of love from other people...broken, lost, saddened souls who's struggles carry the weight of a mountain upon their shoulders just as it does our very own, which we try to hide and often live in complete denial about how horrible we truly are to the ones we say we love.. We judge them and condemn them for not being able to give us what we need, we get angry and carry bitterness, we truly believe "if you love me you will give me this , change that, do what I say" or in some very horrible evil ways, control, dominate, beat, ridicule, berate, induce guilt, to get what I want....this is called human love, because it only takes from the other person, leaving them sucked dry emotionally and physically, perfect love only gives, and deep within, God has put it in us to know that there is a better love, we always search for it in all the wrong places. We expect people to give perfect love and we always get hurt, through painful experiences that leave an open wound, we then become bitter and angry, mistrusting and jealous, ourselves and feel lost when we don't get it from them. Our expectations are flawed, They are selfish, for we ourselves are just as inadequate if we have never experienced the fullness of the Love of God. For no man or women can fill the soul of another person, no matter how hard one tries, it will never happen, because humans are flawed, so our desires are flawed and the way we go about living is flawed, again if all we have experienced is hate and neglect, all we can give is what we know. Chaos always follows the broken souls in life, hanging around their necks like giant boulders, slowly draining any hope of love away, leaving people destitute in their souls, unable to escape often turning to something they can become addicted to. The sins of the fathers carry down from generation to generation. In all of us is the NEED for love, which is why we are always getting into relationships, which in turn turn ugly because neither person is whole, they are broken and filled with un-forgiveness , bitterness, hate, jealousy, mistrust, violence and rage. Because their hearts are filled with these things there is no room within them to love, and chances are good they have never experienced love. Now what this means is that He has created us all for a purpose. Each of us has a different purpose and the same purpose, The first purpose for all of us is, to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. We love Him because He first loved us and died for us so we could be In heaven with God in love for eternity, when we understand that jesus died for us so it was His blood that The Father saw covering us, evil can not be in the presence of God and since we have it in our blood, the knowledge of good and evil , our choices are now life or death..The second purpose is the intimate path, that is made for us alone, some dream we carry in our hearts, put there by the Creator. Some overwhelming desire in our heart to create something of our own, what ever that may be. If we allow the Father to have our lives, by asking Him , everyones ultimate judge, to forgive us for the hurt we have caused others and ourselves and ask for His will in our lives He will slowly heal the wounds the world has filled us with, He will show love every day, from within your soul and spirit, then we will do things within the way we were made, because The Holy Spirit will be guiding us to keep us safe and to reveal the truth that sets us free, then, because we have experienced the freedom of forgiveness we will be able to forgive, by His grace through us, setting us free from the pain, guilt and shame we all carry, giving forgiveness to those who do not deserve it. Only The Father, Our Creator truly knows what He made us to do and who He made us to be and He will, If we let Him, direct our path. This being said there are a lot of things in this world that keep us from hearing His direction and going down the Path prepared for us. His path always leads to freedom from all pain and loss we carry, as well as brings perfect love, which courses through our souls. It is a hard thing to long for love and kick against the Father, the one thing we all desire, we fight against and deny. This happens because we are afraid to feel the pain and face ourselves, to walk the path of freedom means the old you must die, and the new you must be born again, starting from scratch a new spirit within us, as infants having no knowledge of The Love of God, but choosing to search for it. Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you...This is all a working out through action our salvation from all that was killing us. The truth about facing ourselves is not that we are all rotten people, but we are pieces of fine china that have been broken into pieces. Instead of glueing the pieces back together The Father grinds us to powder and remolds us into His creation, without any pain or guilt or shame to make new cracks because we have been forgiven our debt to the Creator, He feels hurt too when we disregard His love and guidance because He can only give us good things. Our value is more then anything on this earth, literally it is worth the Life of an innocent man who also was the perfect love of The Father made flesh and the kingdom of heaven, Our God Jesus. You may ask, How is there a Father in heaven and a savior Jesus and the Holy spirit and How can they all be God? The egg is the perfect example, three parts, one egg. All parts, yolk, white, shell have a distinct purpose but are all one egg. Same with the Trinity, three different purposes, same God. The Father is The Creator, Jesus Is The Fathers words made into flesh, Jesus lived out what the Father is, love, and the Holy Spirit is our spiritual guide which lives within us, if we allow, and guides us to truth in Jesus and The Father, this would also be knowns as our conscience. If we can grasp the truth of what we see in ourselves first, all the ways our fathers sins have carried down to us and how we have treated others, honestly and focus on the parts that are broken, allow ourselves to feel the pain, mourn the loss of what ever you feel has been taken from you and then forgive that debt you will have freed your soul of the feelings you carry of pain and loss. Now as I write this it seems very easy, but the older one is, the more painful experiences have wounded the soul, leaving behind a man like your father. Then when your are broken and can't cry anymore run to the Father in heaven who knows you and knows your pain, He will comfort you in Jesus name, let him carry you through the pain because of this simple truth " All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to HIS purpose" The only way to find The Father is in the bible. Trust no religion but seek the one who made you. He will direct People to enter and exit your life as guidance. Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added unto you...When you become tired of the pain He will be there, most of all it is your walk on this earth only you can control which path you take. And If things are going wrong ask Him , He knows why your are experiencing the pain or deep sadness your feel, listen right before you go to bed ask your questions and He will tell you, It will all come down to how badly do you want the truth and what you should be learning about the situation, understand, once you accept Him into your life He must peel away the layers of shite, which is a painful experience. If we always turn to Him He will always be there. It will take time to heal as long as you fight against learning..Your choices today determine your tomorrows...Have faith, which is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen..There is a great book for the wounded called, forgiving your parents forgiving yourself, get on amazon for five bucks. Without Love we have nothing so why not go to the source?

Well I think whatever he do..Whatever he is beside you or far away he will still your father.It is something very good that you are still young.When you become old every thing will become difficult.If your age is 18-21 then you should give all your focus to build your career.Take useful course in any field you like and you think you are good in.

About caring about your marks that means he cares about you.If you couldn't complete the secondary school the society will show you no mercy because it is required to go to the university and for getting any job anyway.About having high marks not only pass I don't know it depends on what the companies there think about it.If they care about it then yes you should have high marks as much as you can.

Building your career is very important so if you didn't marry you can take care of your self and who knows you may be able to take care of your mather and father in the future.

"I know he started changing since he cheated on my mother" Yes it is something very bad he did.However you can tell him that you love him and you hope he and your mother stay as before in a very nice way...

Hope to you success..good luck...

Sorry but he's not gonna change.I know alot of girls who are in your position.<br />
The best thing you can do is find a boyfriend who will treat you the way you deserve. There are alot guys who really do want make you happy, especially if he learns that your father didn't care about you.<br />
Your little brother is lucky to have such a caring and loving big sis.

The first thing you need to know is that your Dad will ALWAYS love you and is ALWAYS proud of you! We expect that our parents always know how to deal with the problems in their own life and that it won't spill over into the way they communicate their love to us. Yet, people are always learning, growing, hurting, feeling at every age. Your dad is most likely so tied up in his own problems (some which he caused by his own behaviors!) that he has no idea how it is impacting you. The thing is, while you can't control how he behaves...you can control how you behave. And it sounds as though you are trying hard to be the person that is your best you! You may not think your Dad notices or that he isn't proud of you...but think about it; who wouldn't be proud of someone like you?

You don't need your fathers approval, what you need is your own approval feel good about yourself. Only you can make yourself happy. The things you do, need to be for you first and him second. You can be there for your brother there is nothing wrong with that. Just remember there are dads out there much worst that beat their kids everyday mentally and physically and beat their wives. My dad was a good man but he wasn't always there for me but again I wasn't always there for him. My dad died when I was 28 and we had become closer as adults and I really do miss him. Maybe your father feels he let you down, things will probably change for the better as you grow older together but right now he still looks at you as his child and not an adult. You need to be happy for you and no one else because if you can't find it within yourself to be happy you can get approval from everywhere you turn and it will never be enough. Good Luck and God Bless.

As a father of five there is no way to make everyone happy all of the time. Rules are love and maybe you should think about that a bit, the ones that don't care anrn't there. How many youths are in presen First and formost Love, food and shelter are your parents responsibility. Now you state he's showing your sister all that you want, however his missing it with you and your brother. I see your father is providing most of this criteria but could work on showing you two some more support... Take things into your own hands and address this in a letter, sometime a letter hit a bit harder then a typical conversation. In the end point him to your posting here if that doesn't get his attention then he needs to be called out on it, however I don't think that will be the case.

My father was is the same way just not in the military. With the exception that he tries to run my life and i am 30 years old. I have since cut him from my life. The last time we talked told him as a kid all i ever wanted was him there, and all he could say is "but i sent you on all those trips all the money i spent on you." He never asked what was going on in my.life. all he ever cared about was good grades, and that my chores got done.

I'm sure your father loves you. It sounds like he is in a lot of pain and does not know how to deal with it....so he has "shut down." We all want the best for our children, so we do want them to succeed at school. However, some parents don't realize that not every intelligent child is a good student. Find something you love to do: singing, photography, drawing, sports, writing poetry, etc. It's up to YOU to feel successful. Your dad will come around. He probably feels like a failure himself and does not know how to deal with his emotions. Take good care of YOU because you are unique and wonderful!

I'm so sorry that your biological father is treating you and your siblings this way.. He is among many fathers who act this way toward their own children.. I know how much it hurts you and how angry and resentful this must make you feel inside toward him. But..I have some very good news to share with you. You are so loved by your Heavenly Father "GOD". He created you and knows you inside and out. He is always there for you and you can talk to Him anytime about anything.. He knows what your father is doing to you and He is very sad that your dad has forgotten you. I want you to pray to God and ask Him to change your dad from the inside out... To give your dad a new heart.. God knows your troubles and He wants you to know today.. That you are so loved and so precious to Him. He wants to be your everything.. He desires to hear from you everyday.. And He wants to be in your life forever. "For God so loved the world that He sent his only son, Jesus, that whoever should believe in Him(Jesus) shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16 is one of the greatest Bible verses known to mankind... And as we celebrate the birth of Jesus every year at Christmas.. This would be a perfect time for you to ask him to change your heart and heal all the broken pieces.. I say this from experience.. That no one can love you like Jesus and God the Father.. Find a Christian Bible and start your reading in the book of Matthew. Ask God to forgive you of every wrong thing you've ever done .. And He will.. Then ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior and He will.. He will change you in a twinkling of an eye.. I will keep you in my prayers.. You are so special and such a good writer.. Keep writing ok.. I'm impressed with your way eith words. Blessings.. Elizabeth

Hun, my dad has been the same way with me for the past 16 years. He has a total of 5 kids and doesn't see any of us. He is all worried about his wife and her 3 kids and grand baby before his own children.