Working At Living.

I've been pondering a question lately. "What would you do if there was no one and nothing to stand in your way. How would you live your life?"

For me, the answer to that question is difficult to answer. It's been so long since I've had the reigns of my life in my own two hands that I'm not entirely sure I can really imagine it happening again; but it's been on my mind these last few days and in a way, it's empowering me to make some [more] necessary changes. It seems like on the road to getting back on my feet financially, the work is never done.

I have to admit that living at home with my parents is becoming more and more difficult for me, so something needs to give. I didn't realize exactly how short my leash was with them until I accepted an invite to meet up with an old friend who was passing through town on business last week and when my phone died around 10pm, my parents ended up calling the cops and reporting me missing soon thereafter and completely unbeknownst to me.

Now, ten o'clock in the evening may be late to a 70 year old but at my age, it's nothing to call the police over. And in fact, before I realized all the fuss that was being made over my absence, I was having an absolutely wonderful, fun evening meeting new people and actually socializing -- a thing I haven't done in literally years.

I think that's when it really dawned on me that at my age, I have no business living at home. Much as I love my parents and much as I appreciate them for all they've done and do for the girls and I, there are boundaries that even parents shouldn't cross when dealing with their grown children and my parents are not only apparently oblivious to these boundaries, I happen to know that they'd resent and ignore them if I bothered to bring them up.

To put it simply, if it were up to my parents, I'd never move out. Never have friends. Never move out and live on my own again. Never remarry. In fact, even my job was acquired against their wishes and if all of these things weren't enough, my children are miserable here, though I've managed to keep them hoping and believing that better things lie ahead for us all if we can just keep our chins up and take it one day at a time. Some days, it's difficult even for me to believe that though.

On the other hand, I'm encouraged by the way things are progressing at work. Soon, I should be promoted to a full time position which will certainly help me out a lot but I'll probably still need to get a part time job to make ends meet once I do move out and sadly, that won't leave me much time with my kids. That's upsetting so it feels like a rock and a hard place situation but I suppose at this point, if it's going to be hard either way, I'd rather put myself in a position to actually have the option of making decisions on behalf of my own life and my own family again, sans any further interference from my (admittedly) well-meaning parents.

I think at their age, having lived their lives, made their mistakes and chosen their path as they have, it's too easy for them to try to impose that on their children as well.. but life is just too short to live it the way that they've lived theirs. What they have chosen, I hate to admit it, I wouldn't choose for an enemy of mine. The seclusion.. the loneliness. I know it'll be hard for them to let the girls and I go because then they really won't have another left but eachother, but I'm afraid it's past time that they released me to actually live my life again.

Being a parent myself, that means releasing me to make a better life for my kids. Perhaps not the one they chose.. but one that I know is right for my girls.

It seems so cliche to say, "Life's too short to waste anymore time".. but actually, and very literally, I'm realizing something.

It really is.
Intelligently Intelligently
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 9, 2012

When your babies are old enough to date, and ten o'clock rolls around, and the beautiful Intelligently is at home, thinking her deep thoughts,.... hair follicles slowly reaching for the silvery beauty that god rewards us with.........

Come back here and add the second chapter to this precautionary tale... :)

Intelligently, I'd say your parents are weird. I would be infuriated if my parents had called the police on me for being out past 10 PM. I also think it's very likely that the police themselves were royally p***ed off with your parents. My sense is police really don't like it when people cry wolf to them. I wouldn't be surprised if next time your parents call the police about something that they take their time getting there, so it was a very foolish thing for them to do.

But of course you know your parents are weird.

I think you've really said it all. They really are..

It may have been more acceptable behavior if I was 14. But at this point, it's suffocating.

I hate to hear you think you'll need a job and a half to get by.

At least for a while, I'm afraid I will.