I've Just Discovered......

Hi there,

I'm new to the group. I'm a 34 year old, who's been married for 18 months. My husband and I have a beautiful baby boy. I've recently discovered that he's a sex addict, following a spiral of increasingly destructive sexual behaviour over the last twelve months. I've been trying to get him to open up to me, tell me his problems over the last six months, when I uncovered the tip of the iceberg, so I could help - but unknown to me, they were so bad by that stage that he felt he couldn't, even then. They've finally reached the stage of meeting a different woman for sex every night he is away with work, posting pornographic vidoes of himself online, sending and receiving pornographic images of genetalia, group sex. 25 women over the last 3 month.

We've separated, he's started the recovery journey and has just attended his first phychotherapy session. We met today and talked about everything. I dearly love him, he's my soulmate and life partner - he says the same of me.

The support of others who've managed to help their partners through addiction, and rebuild their trust in each other - saving their marriage - would be really appreciated.

H

noss noss
31-35, F
5 Responses Feb 23, 2010

I am going through a very similar thing myself, and regardless of the negativity that everyone spews I believe that hope is wrong there may be no way that my husband can stop but without therapy and work I will never know so I am trying and I feel he is to so now it's time that I am waiting for and I don't think you are stupid for trying either

LEAVE NOW and save yourself - find a good therapist and start over. I have lived with my sex-addict husband for 21 years and believe me - it only gets worse. Do the research - only 5 % stay in recovery long term. I know that this is probably not what you want to hear because my friends and family gave me this advice and I couldn't let go. I loved him and wanted our marriage to work out but, they are not capable of love - only lies and manipulation. The longer you stay - the more damaged you will become. If you cannot leave - at least find a good therapist who specialized in this addiction and can help you understand how to protect yourself.

LEAVE NOW and save yourself - find a good therapist and start over. I have lived with my sex-addict husband for 21 years and believe me - it only gets worse. Do the research - only 5 % stay in recovery long term. I know that this is probably not what you want to hear because my friends and family gave me this advice and I couldn't let go. I loved him and wanted our marriage to work out but, they are not capable of love - only lies and manipulation. The longer you stay - the more damaged you will become. If you cannot leave - at least find a good therapist who specialized in this addiction and can help you understand how to protect yourself.

It's sociapath behavior, please google it. It's manipulative and CERTAINLY not loving I know I was blindsided by my ex almost 20 years and it just get worse as you become damaged more and more if YOU try and save them and feel so compromised, there is no love. And worse yet you just starting hating yourself. Please get outside help at least. It's serious stuff.

I am 9 months pregnant, married to a sex addict for two years. He has been getting help for a while now but it was finally disclosed to me that right before we got married, he slept with my step mother. This is devestating news to say the least. I am having trouble separating the sin from the sinner. He came clean and fully disclosed so he could fully walk in the light of truth but I am not sure how one gets over this type of stuff. Do you believe it is possible for a sex addict husband to actually love his wife even though he has done these things?