Married Less Than 6 Months To Widower Having Problems

I met a widower about 5 months after his wife died.  I had waited a very long time to remarry.  He swept me off my feet.  He was anxious to get married and didn't want to wait.  We married 3 months later.  He assured me that he was over the grief.  I question it as he seems angry with me, wants to go back to his old ways the way it was with her - as she was more homebound and kept busy and he had complete freedom to do things he wanted to do.  He promised me we could leave his house if I was not happy.   I tried but he refuses to prepare to move. And seems to punish me and gets knit-picky.  Red flags to me before the marriage, was he didn't brag or tell his closest friends much about me (that were friends also with his former wife).  And after marriage he didn't introduce me as his wife (just my name) to a guy he had known a long time but didn't know me.  He also didn't tell his family until 2 days before the wedding so they could not come.  I have apologized when wrong but he has NEVER apologized for his anger, or being snide. Seems lots of emotional abuse.  And we have been mostly silent for weeks and he refuses counseling.  Please give advice and tell me if you think I am doing something wrong or is this normal behavior for someone who has not grieved enough. 
GrandmaCS GrandmaCS
1 Response May 16, 2012

Sounds like you married a nasty man; widowers don't get a free pass to act this way just because they are widowed. We all experience great pain in our lives, and his pain is not special. He was probably this way to his late wife too; some like to act as though the first marriage was perfection when, in fact, it was just plain ordinary. He most likely was not over his grief, or if he was over it in so short a time, then he is not normal (or did not have a good first marriage). Too late now, but you cannot know someone well enough in only 3 months, and I am sorry that you both acted hastily. We do get caught up in "being swept off our feet." You are not doing anything wrong except putting up with nonsense that you should not tolerate. Sounds like he needed a mother, not a wife. My advice: stand your ground or pack your bags. WOW in WOH