Second Chances???

my story is probably quite differnt from the usual widower's wife's story

i met my husband in 2005, this was even before he was married to his first wife (now deceased). we dated for some months before i actually found out that he had been cheating on me throughout our relationship with a woman that he was actually even getting married to.

i cut off all contact with him then because i felt i needed the seperation from from in order to get on with my life.

as life would have it, we eventually started talking again and got into an affair that was on and off throuout the entire time that he was married.

his wife died in august of 2009 and this was during one of our 'off moments'. he asked one of his to inform me of her passing and i found myself attending her funeral, mostly out of obligation to my husband.

out of genuine concern, i would check up on him frequently because i understood that he was going through an extremely difficult time. before long we started to see eachother again and even started talking about getting serious.

in may of 2010, we found out we were pregnant and in as much as that is a good thing, it happened at a time when my husband was not ready to his family and friends. in a way i think he felt guilty about moving on so quickly because he now started to assert just how strongly he felt for his late wife, how he still wanted to affiliate himself to her family and how he needed more time before he could introduce me to his 'circle'.

i must say i was emotionally stressed through out my pregnancy because i didnt feel loved at all by my husband during this time.

he eventually came round and announced our engagement to be married late 2010. we got married the following year in 2011 after the birth of our daughter. i must admit being married to a widower is one of the most challenging things i have ever had to live with.

bearing with the extra set of in- laws who are quite dependent on him still financially, wondering whether or not he is thinking about her when he is feeling low, trying to be this super woman who can fulfil all his needs and wants just leaves me perpetually exhausted.

please dont get me wrong, i love my husband, its just sometimes i still hurt because he cheated on me with her, i find myself wondering why he couldnt just have married me back then and sometimes wondering if i made the right decision in choosing to marry him...
Chaza Chaza
26-30
Dec 11, 2012