A Recent Widower

My boyfriend and I have known each other for nearly 20 years. Ifell in love with him when I was in my early 20s and he was 19. I was scared of how much I loved him so I ran away! He was in love with me too and was heartbroken when I couldn't do it.

He then met his wife. They were together for 12 years and got married last year. They have a gorgeous four year old son.

His wife died of cancer in January this year. She was only 34 so it's all very very sad.

We started dating in May after we'd both been invited to the same thing.

I'm completely in love with both him and his son. They are an amazing double act. Both positive and happy people.

My boyfriend seems to have dealt brilliantly with everything. He's had counselling, which is now finished and has a great attitude towards life.

He and his family are very close to his late wife's family which I do find difficult. I don't know where I'll ever fit into that.

I struggle alot with being his girlfriend. I feel terribly guilty that I'm alive and she isn't. I wonder sometimes if I'm really just second place. And I worry also if it's too soon for him - he says not.

I love him like you wouldn't believe and I'm very sensitive with the situation and with his and her families. But I do struggle (although I do so quietly). I would welcome any advice from anyone in my situation.
loucbwright loucbwright
41-45, F
1 Response Sep 14, 2013

Advice......boy oh boy!
I have those same feelings.
Most importantly....I think, is that you know that it's "normal".

My biggest struggle has been to find out where I fit in when his late wife still fills so much of every room in his life.
Hang in there!