We've been married for 5 years. But it feels as if it is longer than that.
I don't exactly know which is worse... having an alcoholic husband or playing dumb as if we're living a perfect life.
I guess I am a great actress and I bet most of the wives who have alcoholic husband are great actresses too. Its a stage full of loneliness, hatred, and lies. We all wear a happy mask.
I keep believing that what I have is a happy marriage and what we have is love. But deep inside I am dying of loneliness. I often find myself crying at the very instance that I am left alone, whether its in the bathroom, office or kitchen.
I burrow myself with work so I wouldn't notice the imperfections that my husband has.
I put on a happy face every single occassion. I put on my happy mask even when we are both together.
At first I tried to confront him against it. But he is too stubborn to listen and I eventually got fed up of putting up a fight. So now I play dumb and stupid.
I know I am strong. But how do you really handle an alcoholic man? If you confront him he'll get mad. If you dont pay attention to it he will get worse.
God knows how I exhausted all the understanding that I have left in me. all of it.
but sometimes i reach a breaking point. that I too am weak... that I have burdens I can no longer handle alone.
I wonder if most wives of alcoholic have always felt that they handle family life alone, that the husband mo longer takes responsibility.. cause I do. I am alone. I am alone trying to build this family.
I wish I can but some times I feel I can no longer take it. Makes me want to run out of the door and leave
but the guilt feeling of knowing that all he have left is me is holding me back.
i dont know why my heart still loves him despite everything else. when my mind is despised of him
I am confused, depressed and lonely about my marriage and my husband
and the saddest part of it all is that I dont have anyone anymore to share this with