It's Hard To Explain....

It's not that I don't like who I am. It's not like I am a bad person or anything. It's just - sometimes I get the feeling that I am not who I am supposed to be. I'll try to explain. 


A few years ago I was an a**hole. I was a selfish little child, ignorant and arrogant. All this is painfully clear to me now. Back then I was happy. I always had friends; even though I often changed schools I never had problems making new friends. But still I was an intolerant, ignorant little brat. 

Well the time came again for me to move schools. But this time it was my choice. I had decided to stop changing every few years and transfer to a school where I could stay until I finished. This school was different. I didn't click. I found it hard to make more than a handful of friends and pretty quickly became isolated. I have to say I didn't help myself - I had strange mannerisms and habits that earned me no points - I lost most of these pretty quickly over the next few years. 

Now, 7 years on, I am a completely different person. I like who I have become, but sometimes I cannot help but think, What if? What If I hadn't come to this school? What if I had delayed, or gone somewhere else? What if I hadn't suffered, and changed because of it? Would I still be who I am today, or would I still be that selfish little child, ignorant of everything around him? Would I have grown into something worse? 

I cannot help but wonder, what I would have been like, and if this is who I am supposed to be.

wardy131 wardy131
18-21, M
Feb 13, 2010