I'm contemplating divorcing my wife of 10 years.

Why? She has a spending problem that she refuses to address. I try and talk to her about it and she responds with comments like:
"It is what it is"
"I have excellent credit - because I make the minimum payment each month"
"I will pay it off"
"No, I don't have a plan to pay it off"

I've asked a few times for a post-nuptual agreement. She refuses. I need something to protect me from a woman who accumulated almost 70,000 of consumer debt over this time (5k is still on credit cards, 17k in my mortgage, and rest is paid off).

There is also no shared goal congruence. We can't do a family vacation because I can't afford to bring all five of us somewhere. She wants a bigger house, but I live within my means and cannot carry a bigger mortgage.

She belongs to a closed group on facebook where she has made disparaging comments about me such as "I have a confession - I let my husband fall asleep on the couch, so I don't have to have sex" or "Name a movie that describes your sex life - Failure to Launch" (when my diabetes was undiagnosed / uncontrolled that was true)

All week I've been staying up with her while she watches reality TV. I hate reality TV, and she knows it. I don't think she's noticing.

Afterwards all I wanted to do was snuggle up with her in bed. She tells me to screw-off because she's tired. I leave for a business trip this week. Maybe I just wanted a feeling of closeness.

I tried talking to her at that point. She said if you have a problem lets talk about it, but she just sat there and grunted and didn't string more than 3-4 words together. How can I talk about our relationship and my feelings when she can't even give me an answer, or offer her own position?

I grabbed my pillow and comforter, and slept on the couch last night. She made no attempt to stop me.

I have three kids (12,8,4) and am worried about what this is going to do to them.

Please no responses involving a deity, or any other religious trappings. I just jump to the next comment.
Iltcp Iltcp
41-45, M
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

I appreciate what you are going through. May I ask if she has a source of income? We had to cancel our vacation due to finances. We were supposed to leave tomorrow. We also have 3 kids.

It may be that you are just going through a rough patch. I read that marriages can be totally different in five years. Sounds like she is harboring resentments of her own. Not blaming you at all. I'm just thinking about the grunting and apathy.

What she is doing in the FB group is not cool. She should not be talking about her spouse with other people, besides a therapist.

Things have been better, its about 11 months after I made this post. Still requires some work, and dealing with other issues that sprung up 9 months ago.

Yeah sorry I was a little late! I noticed the date of your post after I replied. If you need a listening ear I'll be around!