Looking For Advice

Hello there, I hope someone out there will read this and maybe give me some advice on my situation.

I am a whole-hearted Christian but still pro-choice. My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for a little while now, but nothing is planned yet. Dispite being on the pill, I found out Saturday that I am pregnant. I will admit, with everything going on this past month, I had forgotten to take it a couple times. Never again. Anyways, that's hind sight. We live seperately (both renters) but in the same town. I am in college yet, and he works fulltime. I have at least 1.5 years left of school. I am 22. I am very worried about our finances if we decide to have the child, as well as my education. Money is an important issue for both of us, as we are not well-off and have worked for what we have. I want children in the future, after we are married and have a home and stable finances. I also have a lot I wanted to do before having children, as my career has always been important to me. Another worry I have is that I have been on depression medication since high school. I tried going off of it, but I couldn't handle it. I don't want to take too much more of your time, just want some advice. My boyfriend is the only on who knows right now, I am concerned my friends will judge me if I tell them and let them know I am concidering abortion. So, I could sure use some outside advice.

lookingtothefuture lookingtothefuture
14 Responses Aug 9, 2010

Have your baby. Forget all the other things that stand in your way. I was in your spot once. My son is 25. Gorgeous and the love of my life. I named him Seth.

Hello. I understand every situation is different and every person will react differently, but was facing the same choice two short weeks ago. There are details and "buts" and "what ifs" in my story, but none of them matter because the bottom line is I REGRET MY ABORTION MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS. I can hardly stand mirrors because I hate the sight of myself. I have honestly thought that being dead would be better than having to live in this private hell forever. I would NEVER EVER do it again if faced with the choice again. I am catholic, I went to church last night at 1:30 am to sit and be with God, to beg him to forgive me in his house because I had been screaming and crying for too long everywhere else and I couldnt feel the forgiveness. I spent nearly two hours sitting in a church crying and praying. Sometimes just sitting in silence, its the most peace I have felt in weeks. I know God has forgiven me, I am working ono forgiving myself and my boyfriend for his part in the choice, but I dont know if thats ever really going to happen. I dont feel like I can tell you what to do because it doesnt help when people give you opinions, what helps is experience and honesty and for me that means I have to tell you I hate myself for what I did, having a baby would be hard...no doubt about it, but killing one and trying to live after is the hardest way out. It is not as cut and dry as some people will try to tell you. Having an abortion has changed my life, my person, my relationships with my boyfriend, family and self, it has hurt me on a level I didnt know I had. The pain is the greatest pain I have ever felt and I have not had a pain free life by any means. Please really think about what you are considering, do not just research for a few days and make a choice. REALLY THINK ABOUT IT. Can you handle that blood on your hands? Is adoption an option? When is it ever the perfect time to have a baby? We are never really ready, but its done all the time. I would take it back in a second, that was true the moment the dr took away what she sucked out of my uterus to examine and make sure she got it all. I knew that quickly I regreted it and I would give ANYTHING to have it to do over. Please hear me. Im so sorry you are facing this situation, it is the hardest thing in the world....you will be in my thoughts.

A "whole-hearted" Christian is someone who follows Christ. Going to church or calling yourself one does not make it so. The Bible is clear that sex is for a husband and wife. The Bible makes it clear that "the fruit of the womb" is God's blessing and that God loves children and forms us in our mothers' wombs. <br />
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I realize this post is old and you've had your abortion but i could not read your post without addressing the obvious irony of stating that you are a "whole hearted" Christian and yet doing things that grieve the heart of Christ. I am praying for you that you repent and seek a REAL relationship with Christ and experience the vibrancy of His love and forgiveness. If you are indeed a Christian then you know that you are "bought with a price". That price was the blood of Christ! And you also know that "ye are not your own". Doing what you "feel" is right is wrong when it is contrary to God's Word.

VEry sad that you made this choice when so many people are wanting children and can't have them.

I feel ashamed for those criticizing you for having the abortion and not adoption. For trying to make you feel guilty because they themselves cannot have children. Even if they meant well in the first place. You are not responsible for them <br />
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I respect you for being able to make the decision and you seem sure of it. Only you and your boyfriend know what is right. It will be hard afterwards and you will question whether it was right, but keep strong. Don't let it ruin you. You will accomplish so much.<br />
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Please don't let anyone make you feel small with their comments. It is your body, your life and your right.

Haha. Funny thing is, when I wrote my comment. I was so upset. It was around when I would have had the baby so I was very upset, but now that time went on, I don't regret it anymore. I now share the same views as Bon2phly.<br />
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As time goes on, you realize everything you've accomplished is because you know it wasn't your time to have a child. Everyone may say go for adoption, but even just being pregnant can hold you back and the agony you will feel by carrying this child for 9 months and having to give the child up will probably kill you. I've also read a lot of horror stories about people who were adopted and committed suicide, have trust issues, and empty spaces. No one can replace real parents no matter how much love adoptive parents can give.

Thats so sad. My husband and I have found out we cant have a baby. and yet there's people out there,,,,,,,,,,,,, Adoption would have been a better choice.

i wish you hadn't. :( This makes me cry. I want a child so badly and have not been able to have one. I lost a life when I had a miscarriage and still am not over it. There are so many people who want children but can not have them. They would have loved your child. Given it a chance.

i dont think it is fair that we judge or start sharing in how DISAPPOINTED you guys are. I know im late and its probably done... but i would like to share my 2cents worth of opinion as i went through an abortion 9months ago as well.<br />
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Im 21 and am left with only two exam papers to complete my degree, i started working a month after the test was positive and had the abortion same day i found out (5weeks). The pregnancy was not due to me being irresponsible or careless either... but thats a story for another day.<br />
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The point i want to make is that it all starts with US (the one carrying the baby). If you feel you are not ready but you KNOW that you are going somewhere in life then i see no problem with the abortion. The next thing to be done now is that you make sure that it doesnt happen again and that you work on your dreams. I look at my experience and consider it to be a reason for me NOT TO FAIL IN EVERYTHING i do. Emotionally it gets frustrating at times, i wont lie...but it is not a feeling of regret. Its rather a confused feeling that i cant explain.<br />
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Look ahead to the future and make sure you reach all your goals and dreams... thing will fall into place with time. God bless you<br />
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It's a real shame you went ahead and got it. I regret my abortion whole heartedly and I'd do anything to take it back and find a way to have made it work. There's always people in worse situations. You may be semi hurt at first, but you're also numb to what just happened... but then, when the fact sinks in, it hurts. A lot. Maybe you should read my story about my abortion.

hi, i know that it may be late to say this, but i hope im not being rude in still saying a little. Im sure you know that many people would love your baby. In fact, i wish that i knew you so we could set up an independent adoption and not just be a random stranger who says strange things like that on the internet. I know your not ready. But so many people are and...im so sorry, i just know that when i read that you chose to have the abortion i started to shake. Im not the overly emotional kind so it really hit me. I am a mother of 3 and 1 year old boys and my husband and i are hoping to adopt in the comming years. I just know that some one would be overjoyed if you would give them this baby. It is the most wonderful part of my life. again, im sorry for intruding, and i hope the very best for you and your boyfriend.

Thank you all for your advice. My boyfriend and I talked about it last night and decided to have the abortion. It is our decision and we feel it is the right thing to do. Thank you again for your responses.

Darby & whbeachbum really gave good advice. There is always the option of putting your baby up for adoption. There are a lot of childless people in this world.<br />
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Only YOU and your boyfriend can decide what's best for you. IF you decide to not have this child, that's your right and you shouldn't feel the need to have to justify your decision or even tell anyone else about it. Good luck.

Hi looktothefuture, Sorry you and your boyfriend have found yourselves in this situation. I too am pro-choice and was a single mother at the age of 19. I wouldn't dream of advising anyone of what direction they should go in while in your shoes, especially not someone I don't know. My son and his girlfriend have recently found themselves in this situation and although they had already made up their minds to keep the baby. If asked, this would of been the advise I would have given them. No one can make the right choice for you, no matter what path you choose they "ALL" have life long consequences you (no one else) will have to face and deal with every day. There's no easy out, no quick fix, they are all emotionally and mentally tormenting to say the the least and only you can decide which is the right decision for you. Make a list of your options, look in to the kinds of effects each has had on the women that have chosen them, make a list of the pros and cons for each option and decide for yourself which one you feel you could face for the rest of your life and hope and pray you're right. I'd also advise you might want to include a councilor while going over the options and making your decision. I wish you the very best no matter which path you choose.