I Dont Want to be Pregnant Non The Less Have A Baby And I Dont Want To Abort Going Crazy.

I found out I was pregnant shortly after breaking up with my boyfriend " 2 months ago" we had decided we weren't for each other after dating 1.6 years he's just to much to deal with very prudent, outspoken, combative has a bad temper and tends to be controlling at times. He's the type of person that isnt open to other peoples opinions if they aren't similar to his. He's not all bad but these things I just can't deal with. Here's the thing he told me he couldnt have any kids " I feel so stupid for believing him", after our break up and all the negative exchange of words I didn't want to talk to him and tell him after all we weren't together I kinda felt like I didnt owe him anything because we werent together anymore, but it was eating me up in the inside i was so shocked mostly because I quit my full time job to work a part time because I was planning to go back to school I had my plans and a baby was no where in the picture especially when my partner has told me he cant have any kids. I was devastated I couldnt help it I told him and the first thing that comes out his mouth is " thats not my baby I can't have kids" omg that really did it I was so mad I couldn't believe he said that to me that just reinforces that he was not good for me for sure not the person I would want to marry move in with non the less have kids with. Abortion was my first and only thought when I got the results of the pregnancy test considering my circumstances. Anyways Shortly after his little comment he apologizes and tells me will take full responsibility for his child " which still didnt change the way I felt about him and my plans" I told him that I was opting for abortion and he told me that if I kill his baby he will never forgive me he will hate me and make sure that everyone knows Im a murderer he told me he'll make sure to make my life miserable and just continued on to calling me all kind of names murderer and scum of the earth. I hated the thought that I was pregnant especially by him as well of having the thought of having an abortion. I DONT want to be pregnant I wish I wasnt and I DON'T want to have to go have to go through having an abortion, and to make matters worse When I was 5 weeks pregnant I went to hospital because I was bleeding they did an ultrasound and found out I was pregnant with not one but two 2 TWINS I just couldnt believe it I just started crying the few people who know I'm pregnant all think its cute and are happy and just disregard my feelings and tell me its going to be ok but they dont know how hard it is for me to be going along with the pregnancy im not happy im depressed and my heart just hurts because im pregnant by man im not married to we have a hard time getting along and I don't see him as someone i would want to spend the rest of my life with. I dont have a job now because I got so sick with this pregnancy I've been sick nauseous weak and tired all the time and was placed on bed rest a couple times because of this my employer had to let me go. I live with my parents and so does he his job isnt stable he'll be employed for 6 months max then laid off until they have work for him again. I'm not stable enough to bring to babies into this world I refuse to be a single mother and I dont want to depend on others to have to help me out because it shouldn't be anyones responsibility but mines. He now is trying to work things out he's very excited about having twins and tells me he going to do what ever it takes to take care and provide for his family I just dont know what to do. Regardless of how I feel about him I feel if i have an abortion I would be wrong for taking something so charished to him but at the same time I would be keeping them because of him only and not because I really want to. I dont want to abort because I im so fearful of the actual procedure and of what may happen and how I may feel afterwards " I never really viewed abortion as a good thing but im not against either. How should I handle this is so hard? Aborting one baby is hard but having to abort 2 the thought is just killing me. I wont go through all sickness and torture of carrying two babies just to hand them over for adoption either. I might as well keep them if that's the case. Im hurting so bad what should I do? I have no support what so ever.
1Beautifulgirl 1Beautifulgirl
22-25, F
4 Responses Oct 30, 2012

Why dont u give the babies up for adoption together

wow that was a rough story to hear just hit home one a few levels. I especially feel for you because you are having twins. I think what you have to do is weigh out the pros and cons of the situation. I mean the longer the wait the less likely you are to be able to go through with an abortion if you choose to, one because of your emotions and two because of how far along you will be. Its so easy for people to say what they can commit to and then when the situation is present they can fall short of your expectations. At the same time people can grow and can change, sometimes children do that for them, so it is possible that your ex would indeed step up to the plate, but are you willing to gamble with your life and your future? I am also concerned about how you said you would only be having the children for him, if you honestly feel as though you will have no emotional connection to the children you are carrying and wouldn't take any interest in parenting them I definitely thing you should entertain the options you have, because children change your life! Hope all is well and you feel comfortable in whatever decision you make!

I feel so bad for what you are going through.
I know it's been a couple of months but I hope you are in a better place and have some peace about your situation and what is best for you and your babies. I know from experience that pregnancy and raising children can be difficult. I'm not saying you can't do it. It is also a very rewarding experience. You will need support though. Are you in Canada or the US?

If you want, you can try going to a pregnancy resource center for help, as they offer free financial aid and assistance if you want it. They handle problems like this all the time, and can certainly help out. Good luck to you.