I Wish He Cared More.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we have a really good relationship i am lucky to have him. Two weeks ago we found out I was pregnant. At first he was very supportive and said everything was going to be fine. I knew what that meant without even asking. He was expecting me to get an abortion. My whole life I have been pro choice but I always thought that if it came down to it and birth control had failed I would keep the baby. We had a talk about these issues at the beginning of our relationship and agreed on having an informed decision on which his views and mine would be considered thoroughly.
But I just couldn't to suggest we keep it. He had mentioned before that it would ruin his life. I couldn't bare to ruin him like that. Everything was ok when we first found out. But I had always been on edge and sad. I told him I was going to need him around a lot more often and he agreed to be there for me. The days went on I booked an appointment for abortion counselling at my local clinic (The counselling part is required in my city) But it always seemed like the days I would need him most, he'd "need a day for himself". And when it came to him driving me to my appointments he'd make me wait for him to be finished hanging out with his friends. Or whatever he was doing.
I never asked him for anything throughout this whole thing besides to be there for me more and drive me to my appointments since I don't have means of transportation. I feel like he's taking no responsibility for this and whenever I try to tell him how I feel he gets defensive and says stuff like "you're so abusive and controlling" and he calls me mean things. He's such a good guy.. I'm trying to believe this is all because of stress but I feel lost. I really do try to communicate nicely to him. But whenever I have a problem it's automatically my own fault. Because "I should get my own car" or "i should find someone else to be my life councillor"
He made a really big decision with me and he's not owning up to it or being very responsible at all. I'm extremely distressed about this procedure and how its gonna effect me, the baby and my boyfriend. I feel isolated and guilty all the time. And there is no one to talk to.. not even the person I confide in the most. I guess he's taking it hard as well but i'm truly trying to make things better. And no matter how much I try to show it to him he'll still take offence to it. I'm lost and terrified. I know this is usually a board to cope with the grave issues of abortion and pregnancy. But I feel like I can't even get my emotions straight until I get his support. He's all I have right now... and no matter how much I try to make it clear to him he doesn't seem to give a poop. I've even been considering moving away and having the baby somewhere else. I can't live like this. Im in constant terror. And all that communication stuff is pointless if I can't get through to him without him getting mad.
Sorry again to bring you lousy relationship problems when there are women in extreme need of help.
styxko styxko
5 Responses Nov 29, 2012

It may be stress but you are in the same position as him if not more scared because it is your body that will be effected. Be careful, he may be a great guy but if he is calling you names and being mean now... That may be him and it may not change.
Do what is eat for you!!!

I don't know if I can have anymore children I want one more so bad I would be willing to adopt and nothing in return if you would bless us I would be so greatful if you decide to keep you could and if you need a friend im here my number is 1 931 241 7411

No, don't be sorry! You are so worth being looked after and heard, and every pregnant woman needs support. Everyone has relationship problems, but its definitely harder when you are pregnant. If you still desire to keep the baby, see if there is a pregnancy help centre you can contact. They won't turn you away.

Hate to say it, but he's not in it for the long haul. He's already stated he doesn't want a kid right now, nor does he seem mature enough to have one. Just forcing him to be responsible will end up in heartache on both sides.

Do not make this decision based on him. If you want to go through with the pregnancy, you should, keeping in mind you will probably be going it alone. He could come around someday or never, but don't wait on it.

While I have no issues with abortion and got one myself, that needs to be something you are ok with and not doing it to appease someone else. You need to think that's the better option for you, and it seems that you don't so I would advise against in that case.

If he's going to think only of himself, then you should too. Being a single mother is a lot better than stressing about having to abort your first child your whole life and about the boyfriend, he needs to step up because you deserve better. Stay strong :)