Need Support, Abortion

**** First of all, remember this is a place to support people who are living difficult things, so please if your comments are about how bad you think abortion is, just shut up :) ***

Ok, so I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant a few days ago, and as soon as I knew, I felt so weird ... the baby's dad is a man almost 20 years older than me  (we used condoms every time), we were dating but we had an awful fight recently, I realised how he really was and I don't want to know anything about him anymore. If I kept the baby, I would be forced to marry him (I live in a very conservative place) and I would hate to do so, but also, the idea of having a baby at this age, knowing my body is weak and that I would have problems during pregnancy really scared me, also I was having strong cramps even before knowing I was pregnant and that is a sign of possible miscarriage, they continue even now. I decided I would have an abortion because I feel in no way ready to live a pregnancy and raise a child, I've seen adoption centers here and the children in the orphanages are hurt by the same workers. I would never leave a child there. I don't want to marry this man also because I know he won't be a good father either and after we broke up, I felt he used me, I felt abused, I almost feel raped and don't want to have a child that reminds me of him everyday.
I already booked the sirurgical procedure for next week and I know there's no turning back (it could be a dangerous pregnancy also), and I'm sure this is the best decision I could make at this moment, but I really need support as I'm alone in this, I'm doing this all by myself and cannot tell anyone in here.
I'm pretty sure I will have regret and guilt feelings, but I also knew I would have them even if I had the baby, cause bringing a human being into this world in the conditions I can offer him or her, is also cruel.
I don't ask for people to help me make a decision or to tell me if it's right or wrong doing this, I know is the best I can do now, what I ask for is support and empathy. Thanks.
jessiejessy jessiejessy
22-25
1 Response Apr 6, 2013

Hi there, I empathize with you completely. I feel guilty about thinking about getting an abortion but in a similar way as you I know I could not provide the environment I would want for the child, the father would only cause more problems, and I also share the same feelings about adopting a child out. Sorry that this response is so late to your post but hopefully it still helps to know that you are not alone and never were.