What Is The "right" Thing To Do?????

I've been married for nearly 30 years to a man who has a lot of hang ups.  Sexually, socially, religiously, you name it.  We are 48 now and he is miserable and so am I.  He has become such a negative person and myself or our grown children can do nothing right.  I left for 5 weeks because I was not willing to put up with his negativity and controlling.  After many calls, tears and discussions I returned home with the understanding he would go for counseling.  I have been in counseling for 18 months and I'm just not taking responsibility for his need for counseling.  He needs to go to someone he can be completely open with.  I don't think a christian counselor would be a good choice.  I believe with my heart that he is gay and will not accept it because he has such a strong conviction that it is a sin.  Just because he doesn't accept it doesn't mean its not there.  So many freakin' signs.  So many questions it would answer if he just admitted it.  We have not had sex in 7 years.  He says he masturbates daily but when he comes near me he can't maintain an erection.  I'm at the point now where I really don'[t even want him to touch me.  It is just weird now.  He lost his job in October after 28 years.  He is working now but miserable about that. 

I am truly thinking of leaving for good.  I'll continue to pay the house payment and he can pay everything else here.  I love him like a brother and wish nothing but the best for him but the best isn't working too well for me.  I honestly believe it would be a good thing to be alone with no expectations then with him with false expectations.

I'm struggling and just can't figure out what the right thing is to do.  He is really depressed and I'm not sure he wouldn't hurt himself. 

I would welcome comments!

MarciaZ MarciaZ
46-50
Mar 2, 2010