It Hurts...

I wish I could get him out of my mind, but he is always there. He disappoints me so much and lets me down, yet I can't stop feeling the way I do about him.

I try not to talk to him and I am doing good when he sends me a text or an email. And, just like a high school girl, I respond. It's like he knows that I am trying to pull away, trying to break free of this hold he has on me.

Yes, when we are together, it is amazing. I love the way he kisses me, the way he touches me, the way he looks at me, the way he tastes. I long for him, would do anything to be with him, to see him, to touch him.

It's when we aren't together that he is different, distant. I sit here and think about all of this and I am crying. I want to be free, but I don't know how. He is taking over my mind, my being.

I won't hear from him all weekend and by Monday I start to feel better. Then he contacts me and says he wants to see me. I just want to be able to say no, I just want the pain to go away, the sadness, the disappointment.

The big question is how do I do this, when deep down inside I really don't want to...even though I know I should...

purpleriz purpleriz
51-55, F
3 Responses Mar 13, 2009

The separation is complete now...we are no longer together. It was a mutual decision for two completely different reasons, but, the decision has been made. I still think of him and miss him terribly, yet I know I made the right decision...soon, my pain will go away and I will be completely free of him.

Being out of control is really scary...we all can get out of control sometimes; sometimes it is unavoidable. <br />
<br />
Perhaps if you sent him just what you wrote, he will be able to make a separation more bearable for you if he truly cares about you.

you deserve better