What Doesn't Kill Me , Justs Wears Me Down

The tough ones started when I was very young.  I remember that I hated being tickled. I was cute and people felt like it was their right to tickle me for long periods till I cried. When I was around 5 years old I made up my mind that I wouldn't be ticklish anymore!

And I wasn't! Nobody could believe that I just shut it off. Ever since then I just shut alot of things off. I learned to control my emotions early.

When times get tough, the tough get going, "Only the strong survive" "

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, etc....

Crap! I have gone thru more than anyone I know and it keeps on coming. I am tired. I survived Hodgkins Lymphoma this last winter, abusive relationships,pregnant at 13, orphaned at 16, hard core drug use by 17, prostitute by 18.

I hitched hike cross country by myself at 14, 16 and 18. Talk about weirdos. I have bummed change for a meal. Turned tricks for drugs

I won't even talk about my younger years. You use your imagination and I am sure you will get pretty close.

From a neglectful childhood I became self abusive with promiscuity, drugs and risky behaviour. That turned into physically abusive relationships to emotional abuse, to allowing one of my children to be emotionally abused.

The legal system has misused me. The medical  community can never diagnose me easily. I am considered a "zebra", a person who is regularly, that one in a million, that I  have never seen this before or the one who Dr's. literally scratch their heads.

Yes I am that one in a million person for good and bad, destined to have a simple life,surviving from check to check, trying to find joy somewhere.

"If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger"

Yeah right, I am strong enough for ten lifetimes if it doesn't kill me, it is wearing me down.