I Hate Myself

I hate myself for letting someone that i thought loved me n cherished abuse me n disrespect me nearly everyday n not just in the privacy of our home by being physically abusive but out in public where outsiders could hear him call me names because i wasnt perfect or a virgin or had a past before him. Outsiders have even said to me"why? What is going on?" His parents have even asked me why i stay with him. Well when ur not allowed to get a job or have friends or leave the house unless hes with u or ur talking to him on the phone the entire time ur out so he knows if u try talking to a guy or anyone for that matter. But its ok for him to put ads on craigslist to find girls to sleep with n not try to hide it. He has even gone so far as to snd a girl money so she get transportation to our house and he was gonna move her in. Laughably it turned out to b a scam n some dude got $300 off him. He doesnt know but i researched this person on spokeo and found out all the dish. Hes been physical with me in frknt of our 4 yr old and is constantly telln me that if i dont take a polygraph for issues in my past then hes leaving n taking our son n i will nvr c him again. I cant let my baby go with a monster like him. He snorts prescription pills n tries to sell them. He tells me not to look for a ********* for us but if i dont find one by our anniversary which is in two weeks then he is going to sleep with 10 girls. If i dont find a certain man from my past by the first of the year he is going to sleep with an extra 20 n that if i dont find him by march hes going to tack on another 30. I hate myself n i hate my life. When i get out of this prison im gonna stay single for the rest of my life. Im gonna become an independent woman n nvr rely on another man or human ever again. I swear on my life.
dreamingboutbtrdays dreamingboutbtrdays
31-35, F
Sep 13, 2012