A Slap In The Face

I shared my first experience in this category some time ago, and in that story I mentioned a woman who had the nerve to mention, in the middle of sex, that she might be in love with someone else. Since then, I thought we had worked things out. She even came over last week and stayed the night. However, the next morning, after spending most of the day together, she tells me that she is going to date this other guy! WTF?!!! I am so tired of not trusting anybody, but... COME ON!!!! She said that I am her best friend, and that we've got real chemistry, but she was unhappy... there was an age difference that, while she said it didn't matter, apparently did. Her unhappiness stemmed from the fact that she thought all her other friends and family would reject her, based upon this age gap. So she took the easy road out and just went for the other guy, who was already "approved of" by said friends and family. I just don't know how much more of this **** I can take!

I've learned some things recently that really seem to explain the relationship dynamics. We live in a society that values our individualism, now more than ever. As such, we tend to engage in relationships and marriage because of "romantic love". The problem with that system is that eventually, people will become unhappy and seek new relationships to try and recreate the excitement and passion. So many people are just in it for themselves, and as long as they get what they want, they don't care how many people get hurt in the process. I know that her leaving was better in the long run, but it doesn't change the fact that once again, I'm left on the doorstep, my jaw to the floor, while the thunderstorm gathers and begins to dump on me. Once again, I am alone for reasons that I have no control over. I just don't know if I even want to go on, knowing that this is my future.
Dragonhermit Dragonhermit
41-45, M
6 Responses Aug 26, 2010

My brother, I know this pain all too well. It's absolutely true that most of the people that fill this world are motivated by selfish gains, greatly independent of damage to others - it's the bleak truth. However, two things give hope:

1) we are resilient, and time truly heals the wounds, which in turn precipitates wisdom. Your scars will be those reminders of hard lessons learned in "battle" that prepare you for future "wars" (sh*tty relationships), and eventually peace (hopefully, that one good one). The beatings you've endured will give you greater relational wisdom, and capacity for selfless love towards another. Cliché it may seem, but from this idea, your trials can be considered a blessing.

2) you already know the odds are against you - more f'd up, selfish people exist than those who are selfless. Go head first, into it knowing it will be difficult. Develope, from your experience, a keen eye for outward signs of those that are not worth your time, and persevere to find the good ones!

Just an interesting side note... these ideas are biblical. No matter what your beliefs on the topic, these principles reign true - either apart from, or because of biblical truth. These ideas are written in our hearts already - just look at our fairy tales - but we get beaten down with trials, and forget these truths. Fight on, my friend. You are forged in fire to be strong!

I hope things have changed for you since this post!

"Communication is VITAL to a relationship."<br />
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I agree Dragonhermit.

JM, If I helped you in anyway, then the suffering I've been through was worth it. If you want him to know how he hurts you, talk to him. Communication is VITAL to a relationship. I wish you nothing but the best.<br />
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Destiney, thanks for the hugs!

Thank you! I kinda think I was like that. I didnt care that my fiance was gonna get hurt by me taking are son away or hurt that I was leaving him. But I came back and we had another child I always say :Work hard to make a better life for me and the kids but thats not how it works I need to think of my partner also and realize my actions hurt him. <br />
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Im sorry you got hurt and you really opened up my mind to how I was treating him. I kinda wish he could see how he hurts me sometimes. without knowing it. But thank u

Wow! That's quite a story. I have to agree with much of what you've said. I do think too, there are many people who are just users and in it for themselves. I have no advice for you except if you give up completely, you miss the opportunity to possibly find 'the one'. Easier said than done, I know.