I'm Alone Everywhere I Go... Even On Ep

No one gives a crap anyway. Go ahead. Click on this story. Feel the wussiness. Read about my sob-story life. Ready? Good.

    I've been in a really weird state the last two months. Alone, bitter- I've said it a million times in my previous stories. No, I'm not one of those people who cut themselves and give up on life. I might be a little sad, depressed- just about ready to wring my hands and quit... but then I pick myself up, get VERY intensely angry, and power through my school work, hobbies, and "duties" (not chores... yet). I'm very ashamed that I'm like this, which probably makes it worse, but I just suck it up. I know it's not healthy, and I know I'm gonna burst someday, but how else am I going to get by? I can't just lay in bed and wallow! I have a life to live! There's actually a chance I'll get out of this rut!
    But you don't care, probably. You think I'm delusional or something. Fine. I'm learning to accept that I can't NOT be lonely until circumstances change... but I feel so hopeless! It's like God, or the Higher Power, or the collective consciousness, or whatever you call it just stuck his tongue out at me! I have to deal with it or be called theatrical, though. Theatrical! You don't offend someone and then call them theatrical when they very calmly and politely disagree. But enough of that- lets get to the mushy part. 
    What do you when you feel hopeless? You take up a hobby. I did that too. But what if that hobby is the source of your hopelessness? You take up another hobby. I did that- it just made me more depressed. First I tried to write short stories, but who wants to read a story about a serial killer written by a thirteen year old? So I tried hypnotizing myself. It's very soothing and relaxing, so I thought I found the key. And that's when I realized how I looked... I LOOK(ED) LIKE A JUNKIE! I have absolutely no reason to do this. I'm making mountains out of molehills. So I started dumping my rage on EP, which helps, but will probably fizzle out soon too.
    I am so empty inside, I'm alone everywhere- in the realm of my mind, in the real world, even on EP. It's just me, my thoughts, and the wall... 
   My solitude has now completely transformed into loneliness. Should I accept my life? Should I struggle more? What should I do?
HappySadAndMad2012 HappySadAndMad2012
1 Response Sep 4, 2012

I know what you are feeling, I had 2 best friends when I was a kid, and this magical girl. They were ripped from me by my parents, and since then I have had nobody but myself. Nobody, just me, myself, and I.