So Freakin Lonely All The Time

I don't get why the guy I am with Never talks about the future to me. Its like he is afraid to commit and after 5 years you would think he would atleast speak about marriage and kids. I feel like screaming at him **** or freaken get off the pot.  He says he wants to be with me and only me but I don't want to play house anymore. I want the fairy tale and live happily ever after. I feel like I am wasting my time. Someone who wont communicate with me leaves me lonely, depressed and empty. How can a person stay positive for the future when her partner gives her no hope, no promises, no goals to accomplish together for a future. I am like where do I go from here? It's just the worst thing to me is to be the lonliness in life when you are actually with someone : (

sounhappie sounhappie
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 21, 2010

WOW! BOTH of you ladies deserve so much more than you are receiving. Life is too short to spend most of it trying "to fix" your mens problems with relationships. You BOTH need to move on and find the man that appreciates you for who you are and you both are willing to grow together as a couple. Life is to be lived not to be put on hold for years at a time. GOOD LUCK to both of you.

TY! for your honesty -- I am with a guy in his mid-60's, we've been on dates, for a few years longer than your lonely trek of 'low 5'..so sorry to hear it, gal -- I tried to click onto 'inspired' because, your few but powerful words, I recognize all too well -- I am really pretty, smart -- a person, who also has men asking, interested -- I have not had their attentions, however, bec. I have been with this one, who is rather like an old spoiled boy -- he picks up the ob<x>ject when & as he wants, it amuses? him -- yes, he (for him) has loved me, but, bec. of strong upbringing (even when gotten away from, ya don't get away!..) or social values, obligations, expecations, role plays -- male female 'the way it is' (meant to be?! NAAAA!).. much of the time, has been spent in compromises-ville. He has only gotten worse, dimmer -- ok in some respects, I suppose, and not in others..'no respect! I don't get no respect!' from him (-TY, comic late Rodney Dangerfield, for fun quote) But, too true in a way -- bec., he doesn't respect & truly love himself (stuck, stuck on himself, yet, stuck -- cannot truly consistently maintain sharing), it's taken me yeeears to word this -- well, well enough to understand how to love and respect me, his partner. He doesn't appreciate -- he also doesn't know about real sharing, only here and there -- in other words, not a SUPPORTIVE PARTNER. That'd be someone truly PRESENT, someone big inside, able to SHARE freely, sincerely -- I am inspired, by your direct wording of the painful situation, the suffering..I mean, I can read between the clear lines, that you'll get away, with as much of yourself intact as possible, and so will I. Starting, for me, today (it's 12:33 a.m., Welcome to Monday!), I am going to appreciate my time alone, away from him, and start planning and dreaming (Re-Inventing) MY LIFE. He is no longer my dream, in my dream -- bec. he is a power-pla<x>yer, manipulator, not secure nor happy within himself -- thus, he's not well, healthy enough to offer/share, & be real, present, there for me. He's been the worst partner I have ever experienced! In the end, he's an over-aged, selfish brat! Spoiled, bec. he won't care (hell to have gotten any of the 'juice' or, anythg that matters to me, in a normal relating way -- he refuses now to discuss the present, past & future -- he is hostile (yes, angry at himself -- not warm, loving..gives lips only kisses -- blames me, to justify his cold man-ipulations -- this last year, I've had a rough year, financially, just now recovering. Until he felt a bit of the economic pressures, he was horrible, lecturing me on my motivation, get responsible..then, for a time, he eased up..now, as I begin to recover, he's back to how I'd best watch it, bec. soon, I'll be back down..See, he wasn't always obviously awful..he was more like, it sounds like, your current leaves-ya-lonely 'partner'? a mix: Turned out, while I was feeling exactly as you describe, he'd secretly put out ads to dating sites -- only recently found this out -- what I'm telling you is he actually lied, bec. to my face, my going to bed 'partner', bf, he'd been lying on dating sites..while he'd assure me I was his only love interest, and when I confronted him (having found the physical evidence, that backed-up that 'I am being left out' in a 2 person relationship NOT!!) re: one of the (yes, paid for, he paid for -- this cheap guy! who coplained so, about paying for me, with under 10 dollar dates -- like, the worst 'Jack Benny' money-hugging joke -- again, confronted him recently, bec. I for so many years didn't know, only felt and felt and felt the brunt of his ill will/humor -- his utter disregard..I didn't know, that my feelings never lied, but communicated, that there's somethg wrong in paradise: Well, he lied to my face, the denial was so strongly his priority..I had seen & even printed out the offending paid for ad, which mentioned 2 plays that he'd directed at a school where he works -- I had attended every night of all the shows, as his gf..and after that & so much more between us -- he looked me in the eye, & denied -- said he never acted on this, it was like 10 years ago (before we met! which, again, isn't true -- again, he mentioned in the ~2006? ad,when we'd been together for a # of years already -- that he directed the shows the spring before). There were so many fakes, instead of focus on US making it together -- worked for years to get him to cooperate in some of those important ways -- 2 years before he'd sing together, most years before he'd openly say I LOVE YOU on a regular basis (well, for him -- when he finally did, he also stepped down the treasure that that is, by bringing down the tone, & adding an "Of COURSE (to the) I love yoy". Not the most exciting bf, it turns out. He's just so twisted, bec. "Of COURSE"! I love him...but not his selfish, low self..The truly gentle nice guy that I fell for, he's killed him off, mostly. He's lonely, unhappy, refuses joy, refuses me, now...in favor of the lies he's into (he lied on his dating sites, too -- he now has a degree he never earned, stated he wanted to get married -- when he only briefly a few times ever mentioned the subject to me, his actual in person partner -- said not ready, give him time, that was for later -- so, I stayed by him, tho' he wasn't there! And, he described me in the ad, btw, as anyone I've shown the ad to mentions to me -- &, I couldn't help but notice -- a couple of insulting details were different, like a different height, & racial options -- not cute! but, basically, he described me: <br />
also, you mention (to re-word it) limbo land, no positive movement, no sharing, & the disatisfying useless nothing zone -- I realize I've shared a lot of details -- bec. I want to emphasize -- there sounds a parallel between the dudes..so, I am concerned! that yours might be stringing you along to -- I trusted this guy, basically -- learned,just bec. you give your heart incl. your trust, doesn't nec. mean that the other person deserves you incl. your good faith. I was shocked to see that dating ad (& there are # others -- he surely has lied again, bec. he snapped when I asked him about his promise, that he'd get rid of his presence on all dating sites--he just claimed he'd 'already done it' at least on 'his computer'..more b.s.) Depressed? Usually means a change is needed. Lonely? Usually bec. you are alone. Feel he's wasting your time? Trust you! & YOUR feelings..he's 'hooking into you', not getting off the pot. Happily ever after is not the fantasy -- this dull isolating limbo/nightmare, of him in control, not you sharing with an exciting/equal/you-honoring partner, but you roped in tied down, 'playing house', with, oh goody, his dulling self. No marriage or kids after 5 years, I've got to say, as there's been no discussion, eagerly mutually shared, that is like it sounds -- a loveless, childless, unwed future..unhappily forever after, blekhy. Sounds a power play -- I almost pix him deliberately blocking the door, not letting you exit, you waiting for a moment to trick him into not looking, so that you can escape, run free, past his over-powering, bossy, thus not pleasantly co-operative/mutually supportive self. There is no "why", is somethg else I've finally learned, no reasonable "why" for keeping you down, for letting you down in the first place. There is never any resolve, with 'partners' like these sound to me -- there is never a consistent reliable happy/satisfied peace, complete with whole, whole-hearted/wholey loving truth. In a partnership, you deserve to 'know thyself' & they partner, true. I clearly have been with someone who, addicted to his analyst as he is (pays the dude weekly! for years -- again, never a resolve..he's more about the stuck bit -- like you say, no future -- he is into the SABOTAGE! Pay the anaylist, ***** at the 7 or 9 dollar date -- go figure: He clings to, hides behind his problems, I guess, sadly admit, so. I can't help him to grow up, & I cannot continue with a childish peter pan, can you? I need my real life back, in order to enjoy, to share, be free...to be pleasantly, happily surprised. This dude has not written any songs with me in them -- I have listened to his repertoire, have heard & re-heard his tributes to various others (ancient tunes)..I freely share with you, I write SONGS! ?& I want a mutual creative exchange, my share & sharing..MY FAVORITE LOVE SONG LIFE. For real, happily ever : ) I wish you all the..your!..best, & no less. Every breath in love. TY, for helping me too, to help 2, with one shared experience..THANK YOU.