So I am a beautiful 26 year old woman who is about 400 pounds now. Each year I have been steadily ganing weight. I don't over eat, but I also did not live a healthy lifestyle. I am trying to slowly change everything about myself that will help make my life a lot better. I quit smoking, drinking, I go to the gym, and try eating better. Lately, I have been slacking big time. I want to have children and be able to watch them grow and the reality of everything is that is not possible at 400 pounds. What quality of life do I have right now, none! I keep screwing up.... missing the gym, drinking pop, eating fast food. I have always thought of food as a friend, a comfort, and now I am having a problem re-learning what food is for me... not a comfort! It is a way of survival. Trying to learn and re-teach myself how to eat has been so difficult right now. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer and watching him suffer has been the worst pain in life I have ever dealt with. In return, I mess up and lay in bed and cry and eat when I should be at the gym :( I feel hopeless with everything. I know there is no excused to screw up like I have been. With dad being sick, I should want to better myself and be healthy so I don't have to go through things like his is. I want to make him proud, he has always been worried about my weight. I have been big my whole life.... just not this big. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like a complete failure. I keep trying, and keep screwing up. I just wish this wasn't so hard.