No More Baggage

I turned 39 a few days ago and in the months leading up to my birthday i began to realize that could not count on anyone but myself. People hurt other people for not reason...that is a fact. and with each person that hurt me over the years I gained weight. I was a verbally, physically and sexually abused child. As a young adult I was accused by a family member of stealing money and as a result I was kicked out of my home and left on my own with no experience in a city where I had no friends or family as a result I was assaulted by a young man who was supposed to be my friend but turned out to me a predator who gained my trust so he could rape me and make me feel like I was the one that wanted it all along. I have an uncaring unloving mother who I have had clashes with all my life and a father who had never done anything for me even though i was his first born. His other children were born when I was 14 years old and 18 years old and he has given them the best of everything while I struggled for even a good pair of sneakers to wear to school. They both drove nice cars as teens while I took the bus as a teen. I had six miscarriages before I had my daughter. And let's not forget my husband cheating on me with his ex, my life has been a virtual suckfest so yeah I have been eating or cutting or  anything to ease the pain and I have paid for it with the damage I have done to my body. I have forgiven who ever stole the money and let me take the rap for it, I have forgiven my mother, my father and my husband. I have been getting rid of all the mental Weight, the baggage I have carried around for 39 years now it's time to get rid of the physical manifestation of my pain...all 150 extra pounds of it. I am done being fat. No more!! it will take me awhile but I now need to forgive the one person who did me the most harm...Me.
ForgottenFirstBorn ForgottenFirstBorn
36-40, F
4 Responses Sep 25, 2012

Hi I'd like to help u when will u be online

best wishes. remember, success is the best revenge! lose it and strut it!

i feel so sorry for what happened to you.that's very painful but you need to be strong and have self confidence. It will be better in the future and your life will change towards the best

I wish you luck and strength in your new life. You will need it. Maybe you can find a support system to help you achieve your goal. It is easy to backslide. I know, because I have done it.