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What Its Really Like For The Fat Girl....


Most people will never understand what it’s really like for someone who carries extra weight around with them their whole lives. I am prepared to share the complete, brutal, admittedly terrible truth with anyone who will listen to me on this day. Allow me to answer: “What is life really like for the fat girl?”   We can begin with the most obvious…appearance. You stare wistfully at your reflection in the mirror. No matter which angle you turn, you just don’t quite look right. The features on your face, no matter how beautiful they may be, are dwarfed by the extra fat you carry in your face. Your eyes, which may be wide and lovely, look small and particularly deep set in your skull. Your stunning high cheekbones; hidden in totality by the layers of tissue covering them. Your chin; pronounced, is a buoy floating on the sea that is your double chin. You can apply makeup, and help make yourself look better to a certain degree, but you know that no one is going to compliment your shade of lipstick today. The rest of your body is a mishmash of lumps and bumps, protrusions and strange angles that you know you simply cannot hide, regardless of what you wear.   Your desperation turns to panic as you raid your closet and realize that you have nothing decent to wear. Your panic escalates to heart failure as you remember that you won’t be able to find anything to wear…ever. The pants you own hug your belly, butt and thighs as if the cloth itself were holding on for dear life. The shirts you don only seem to accentuate your spare tire and bring attention to your ever-expanding waist. You realize this is as good as its gonna get and vow to avoid mirrors for the remainder of the day.   You leave for work. As soon as you exert yourself in the simplest way you begin to leak copious amounts of sweat from pores you didn’t even know you had. You are constantly plagued by this problem, and try to move as little as possible, because you know if you do, you’ll start to sweat again, and everyone will see it. If the bathroom, supply room, lunch room, whatever is downstairs you will put off going for as long as possible because you know that the simple climb up those stairs will cause those telltale beads of sweat to form along your brow…the one’s that scream “Look at the fatty, she cant even climb a flight of stairs without breaking into a sweat!!!”   You eat your lunch. Regardless of what you decide to have, you know that people are silently judging you. Salad or pizza, everyone is either thinking, “She should NOT be eating that” or “How pathetic, like a salad is going to fix THAT problem”. In addition, you struggle with your own guilt and self-loathing. If you pick the salad, you will be tortured with the smells of that penne a la vodka wafting off your friend’s plate. If you pick the pasta, you beat yourself up and don’t enjoy a single bite of it. Either way, you loose.   You go shopping. You dare not even attempt to walk into most of the stores in the mall. You have tried it before and were immediately put to shame by the disapproving glances of the sales people or your fellow shoppers. You realize that the largest size they carry is a 12, and since you are a 28, there is no way that is happening. Sadness overwhelms you when you realize all you can buy in the vast majorities of stores are socks, shoes, and earrings. You make your way to the “big girls” store and walk in, shameful, hoping no one saw you. Your heart aches as you ponder the wares being offered to you. Bottoms that are ill fitting and make you look twice as heavy as you are. Tops that are just as ill fitting that make you feel like you are wearing a garbage bag with holes cut out for the head and arms. Everything offered is in garish colors like lime green or neon pink. The materials used are cheap polyester blends that just intensify your own body heat and will make you (surprise!!) sweat like a pig. You may find a few items that could potentially look OK on you and you say a prayer as you take them to the fitting room. As you try these items on you are not surprised by the result. You look fat…and the clothes only make it that much worse. Of course you need pants and sweaters, so you buy the closest thing to “ok” that you can find. Naturally you pay more for these items than your thinner counterparts because the stores know you only have one or two retailers to choose from, so if they charge 60.00 for a pair of basic black slacks…you are gonna have to pay it. No $10.00 items for you fatty!   You go out with your friends. While your thin girlfriends get drink after drink bought for them, you bear the shame of reaching into your wallet over and over again. While they attract positive attention, flirt shamelessly, steal kisses and get numbers you hover near the bar, pull at your ill-fitting clothing and wish you were invisible. If by chance some guy happens to pay you some attention you now its one of three things…Either; the guy is not someone that you would want to be with, they are super drunk and rocking beer goggles, or it’s the work of the super hot guy who is trying to bed your thin friends wingman. Sure, it could be just a guy who likes bigger girls…but come on, who the heck are we kidding?   You know deep down that you will never attract the kind of guy you would want to be with long term. That perfect guy, who is fit and handsome, has a great job and a great personality, who is funny and witty, who has great friends and a great family, who you would be proud to have on your arm and who will treat you right. That decent guy is out there, and although he would never be mean to you because he is far to kind, and although he would never poke fun at you because his mother taught him good manners, and although he may buy you a drink because it is the polite thing to do…you know that he will never turn to you, gaze into your eyes, kiss you softly and tell you that you are “the one”. Why? Because he is not attracted to you. Sure, you can get a guy, get a date, get someone to take you home…but is that really the guy that you would pick if you could pick anyone? The answer is NO. Let’s be honest.   You live carefully and are forced to ponder and worry about things your thin counterparts give absolutely no thought to. When you take a ride in a friends car you worry that you will not be able to fit in the backseat, and if there are others riding along, you worry you will squish them. The idea of getting into a two-door cars backseat terrifies you. How will you be able to get in and out gracefully? You won’t. Period. Going to a movie theater or a show strikes fear into your heart because you know you will either not fit in the seat or will be squished into discomfort taking the person to the right and left to the same hell you will be visiting thanks to your encroaching fat. Getting on a plane makes you nauseous. What if the airline decides you need two seats? What if the seatbelt doesn’t reach? What if you cant fit in the seat? Let’s say all goes well and you are not asked to pay for another seat, you cannot mistake the looks of disgust and anger on the face of the guy you are sitting next to. You knew what he was thinking the entire time you walked down the aisle…”Please don’t let her sit next to me…please God”. Then you sit, you buckle your belt (if lucky) and then are embarrassed by the flight attendant who makes it a point to check your belt just to be sure you got it on. She checks you because she figures you weren’t able to buckle it. You can’t fault her for doing her job, but your face burns with shame for the rest of the flight.    Then there’s your health. Your knees creak under your added weight. Your feet swell and throb due to the extra pressure placed on your feet. Your back hurts all the time because of the extra girth you place on your poor vertebrae. Your skin expands and is ruined by silver gray streaking stretch marks that tear through your pink flesh as if being done by an invisible ripper. You suffer through pimples, blackheads and boils that form in the places where your fat rubs together over and over again. Your inner thighs and underarms are stained permanent brown due to the fact your skin has thickened thanks to the constant friction. Your blood pressure is above normal, you are pre-diabetic, and your cholesterol is sky high. Of course even if you are able to kid yourself into thinking you are “totally healthy” you cannot deny knowing that if you stay at this weight you will NOT stay that way forever.   Your friends and family are supportive and you know they love you but they will not let you forget, not even for a moment, how much weight you’ve gained or how much better you would look if you lost some weight. You know they are right, but it still hurts when they bring this up. You feel inadequate and useless. You try to fool yourself into thinking that its ok to be fat like this. You read up on sites that proclaim “FAT? So what..?” and study sites that rally for fat acceptance. You hear people that look just like you proclaim that they are happy with their weight, that they love their bodies, and that they wouldn’t change it for the world. You listen to them say that society is the problem and that others should be more tolerant because we are all meant to be different. You pump your fist in righteous indignation and agree with them, heck, you may even truly come to believe in their bylines. However, there is always a part of you that knows that what you are is not accepted, not natural and not attractive. You know, deep down, that you are the problem…not everyone else. You also know that if a magic potion were offered to you that would melt away your fat and make you lean and toned you would take it without hesitation. You also know that all those “fat acceptance” people on those websites…deep down…would too.  

This is the reality of being obese. This is what it is like. Maybe not everyday, but just enough days to make you really seriously consider becoming a hermit. 

nomorefatty nomorefatty 31-35, F 64 Responses Oct 24, 2009

Your Response


Your article is the truth.The cold hard truth.I am overweight and I don't need to write my weight, height etc. to know i am fat, in fact i avoid the scale at all costs. I avoid clothe shops tank tops, even dresses all this most skinny people will never understand... sadly

Am I the only person that doesn't feel this way? I am 18 years old, 5'11 260 lbs and I love my body. I walk down the street and men call out to me. I flirt and I get my way. When my friends and I go dancing, I get asked by the most guys.It wasn't always that way. I used to be insecure, I used to hate myself. I used to make myself throw up. I used to stand in the corner and feel bad about myself as all my thin friends got all the attention. But then one day, I said "NO MORE". No one is going to love you unless you love yourself. There is no reason to continue to live in fear. It doesnt matter if your a size 2 or 22. You should love yourself and love the skin your in.<br />
This doesnt mean I don't wish I wasnt fat. I've never been thin, never been "the weight". And this doesnt mean I don't constantly try to lose weight. But I dont let my happiness rest whether or not I have gone up or down a pound this week. I sweat when I'm at work, but thats because I move furniture for a living and its hot. I know that I am fat, I know that I am strong, and I know that I am beautiful.

Totally agree with all u said unfortunately

I wasn't always over weight. It's only been the last 3 years that I became a fat person. My now ex husband cheated on me and that set off my eating myself up to a tight size 26. I didn't want to believe that the greatest love of my life had cheated and no longer loved me. Our life was super happy and busy, we had a nice house, good jobs, future goals to achieve together, but all of that changed with his infidelity. I couldn't forgive him so I left him. Trying to make the "hurt" stop, I began to over eat things I normally wouldn't such as large plates of pasta and loaves of bread, loaded with butter, at every meal. This caused me to eat even more by adding huge bowls of ice cream, and I no longer went to the gym. I pretty much gave up my very healthy lifestyle for pure carbs and somehow, for a while, these high fat, high carb foods, made me feel much better. As time passed, I went from 5'8" 123 pounds with a super flat tummy, to 288 pounds with a huge barrel stomach in less than a year and a half. I look like I'm 18 months pregnant, let alone 9 months. My entire face changed, my pretty blue eyes disappeared into my face, becoming slant like, due to all the fat pushing on them, my already full lips now look like I've had them injected with something, making me look fish like. My cheeks are "rosy" all the time, even without makeup. Due to my current weight, no one notices me anymore. That's the thing with being super fat, despite our size, we become invisible to people. They just stop looking your way unless they're the cruel types who just want to make fun of you. I went from being almost every man's dream girl with a perfect figure to the fattest woman I know. None of the strangers who disrespect me in public know why I'm fat today, nor do they care. They just know that fat people should be unseen & unheard in their tiny little minds. Most of the people who have been cruel towards me have been men. I've had men say straight to my face, while I've been out in public, that I am a fat pig and how could I live this way? I even had a man in his 30's call me a "b i t c h" just because he couldn't fit between me and the check out line at the grocery store. I'm not a b i t c h but he felt because I was so fat, he could forget his manners, and treat me like I was trash or something. If any of these cruel people knew me (3) years ago, they'd all be super jealous and so below me. I recall never being able to go anywhere without both men and women checking me out with total envy on their faces. Now, no one looks at me. I am well educated, I am tall, have lovely, long hair, and I am well spoken due to my classical education. I am kind to people and animals, yet it's still not good enough because I am fat. This world really does only care about the "beautiful people." It's not laziness making me stay this way, it's cruel human nature that I have now witnessed first hand. Why get skinny again only to be with stuck among these shallow humans who try to pass themselves off as decent people? I've seen the ugly truth and when I look in the mirror these days, it's not me who's ugly, it's them who can't accept me at this weight. How sad for all of us in this terrible situation. I hope we all can find our way back to the gym and do it for ourselves, not for anyone else.

I just wanted to say that eventually those women who are thinner than you will get ignored too, when they start to get older. I'm kind of going through it myself - getting older sucks, you start to become invisible. At least if you have some extra weight your face looks a bit younger.

Sweetie I been there too, my whole life l was in the obese category. l always felt like l was inferior and put up with A LOT of bullshit l shouldn't have. Abuse from people, particularly men, and just generally letting people treat me less than respectfully because l felt being fat made me less than human. It sucked to always feel like the invisible fat friend quietly fading in the background while all of my other non fat friends were living it up. If l ever made conversation with a guy while out they would usually just ask who my friends were that l was with. It's incredibly painful but it build character, at 24 l decided **** THAT l got down to about a size 5 (skinnier than all of my friends by the way) and started living my life the way l wanted. It's crazy how things change, you suddenly feel more comfortable demanding more respect and people gravitate towards you for it. A lot of my friends were happy for me and supportive but some distanced themselves, to them it meant they weren't pretty anymore if l got more attention than them. That's their own insecurity, this will probably happen to you too but **** them, you spent all those years being their friend when you hated yourself **** their feelings. l know that it seems impossible in the dark moments but you can do it sweetie start slow, remind yourself that you are worth it. Don't spend the rest of your life unhappy in your own skin. You can do it make everyone who hurt you sorry they ever did, live your life to the fullest potential. You are capable of great changes you just have to stay focused and consistent

The story of my life. What others don't get is that it's hard to live the life of a fat person. Though I am not wanting any pity or making excuses, I think it's important for people to understand that most fat people didn't get there on purpose. It started from some type of problem or hurt and pain. We didn't just wake up one morning and say "oh I think I am going to make my life extremely difficult and become fat". No, it happened overtime and in this world we are constantly reminded that we do not belong. This which is not needed at all. We are all very aware of it. Intil they are in our shoes, facing our problems they have no right to tell us what we "should" do.

I, too, feel this way. Other people just say "well do something about it!". Don't they understand it is just not that easy or we would have done it by now? I don't even bother buying myself new clothes very often because I feel like I "don't deserve them". I stay in the house as much as possible. I am everyone's good friend-men love me, but only as the sweet woman who they can tell their girlfriend problems to. I am so sick of this, so sick of living like this, so sick of trying and failing....I am just giving up....

You CAN do it l was a size 18 and went to a 5 you just have to suffer for it and that's the truth
You're worth the pain **** the bullshit you deserve happiness you just have to be willing to sacrifice

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself.... work for it.... work hard untill u achieve the body u dream about every day.....'s not that easy pal. This is a legitimate medical issue, not a case of someone just feeling sorry for herself!

Ever herd of water fast go for it...........

Everything is exactly as you described. Exactly. :(

I swear you must have me as a twin. The only difference is I have many medical issues on top of the weight that I feel most days I feel there is no reason to get out of bed.

You made me LOL! I'm not sure if this is a sarcastic piece or not? Very well written! BTW, there is a greater cost to make larger clothes due to yardage, which is passed on to the consumer. That's why all of the clothes on are in extra extra small sizes that no one fits in.

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Happy Friday!

I honestly thought that you were inside my head while writing this. SO TRUE.

I got chills reading this because it is eerily similar to how I feel on a daily basis.

Wow, I am in tears.... its like my brain is obsessed with being thin. And the harder I try, the more fat I become. I am glad to know that everything I am going through, someone else is too... I am on a diet, working out and I am so frustrated... I feel like its going no where and I feel like something is wrong with me. I am miserable either way...

Wow that was pretty accurate for me. Except i dont generally tend to notice myself in the mirror on a daily basis. It is more like every few days i catch a glimps and am like 'oh right huge fat *** it' it just becomes so much a part of who you are if you have never been any other way. The older and bigger i get i realize how much it is and has stopped me from living life. I get bursts of motivation to change to a healthier lifestyle and then one day i find myself back at the beginning is a vicious cycle. Thanks for sharing.

And lets not forget the humiliating split and rips in the clothes when you simply set or the swishing sound your pants make when your chub rub gets in the way (always). And even after serious diet and exercise you only gain weigh becoming more depressed. I am the smallest in my family at 214 believe it or not I have an older sister and my father that are in the 400's not to mention the rest of my siblings 250 and up. A lot of people don't believe genetics is an issue, not sure I agree I just wish one doctor would make a serious revelation in this can dream right? Sometimes that's all we have.

Exceptionally well written! A fat girl myself, I try and act like I love my body and I love the feel of it. But I know I don't and I probably never will love the fat me. I was almost anorexic at one point so I know how I look skinny. I know I am sooooo much prettier skinny. I know the guy I really like, the guy who is such a great friend to me, would probably like me as more than a friend if I lose some weight. Even just 20 lbs would make a big difference on me. I'm not going to say I understand what it feels like to be a size 28 because I don't. The largest I've gotten is my current size: a 16. Thinking back, the happiest time in my life was when I was "normal" weight and a size 8. I had a wonderful almost boyfriend (too young to really be a boyfriend) but I don't doubt that it was true love. But I couldn't ever love someone unless I loved myself and at that size I did love myself. <br />
I don't eat lunch in front of people. At school, I have an apple usually but throw the rest of away. I'm convinced if I eat people will judge me. But in my case they really aren't. They worry about me because I don't eat much but accept it. I've never been teased or made fun of, and I've never been excluded because of my size. You cold even say I'm one of the popular girls because I am friends with pretty much everyone. I can be best friends with guys without flirting every minute but I can get along with girls just as well. <br />
I wish I could accept myself, but I know I never will intil I'm no longer a big girl.<br />
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Thank you for writing what so many of us think but aren't courageous or strong enough to actually say.

That made me sad, but I think at any weight it's rough. Skinny is bitchy and fat as lazy. Nothing ever wins.

the only thing i hate about my fat is when my thighs rub together and wen i go to a bathroom stall to pee and the stall is too small then my wide saddle bags touch the walls of the stall and it is hard to put my panties down

Reading this was cathartic....<br />
<br />
I love how people think that being 25 pounds overweight for a time in their life is 'being FAT'<br />
<br />
I'm sure relatively you were fat for a time but this is CHRONIC obesity and it isn't something that just disappears! I would LOVE to be 25 pounds overweight! That would be awesome! I was 60-70 pounds overweight and I looked amazing! I would love love love to have that body back, let alone 25 freakin pounds! Not to mention....I have NO IDEA what it feels like to BE what I will call, "down to weight"<br />
<br />
I have NO IDEA what it feels like to walk down the street, into the library, down the halls of university or into the grocery store without feeling like people are judging me. I know it's all in my head...and that is a huge part of it but seriously....<br />
<br />
It's painful. It's super duper painful...I wonder what it would feel like. I wouldn't have all of these hang ups haunting me and infesting my relationships because of my messed up self image. I truly agree with everything in this post! It's exactly the way I feel and people who think it's as simple as just "changing" something are naive and insensitive. Being fat INFESTS your life...every part of it...different degrees for different people but yeah...complete infestation.<br />
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I can't stand people who say "if you want it bad enough you'll do it"<br />
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Does anyone know how much dedication and focus and concentration and humility it takes to actually change your ENTIRE life? Food is life. This encompasses your life. You have to change everything. FOr the most part, fat people have many many many la<x>yers of bad habits! How arrogant of anyone to think it's so easy to change all these habits! Sleeping, eating exercising, even friends and enablers have to change! One has to focus on it constantly. Especially if you really enjoy food...even good food.

Yes. Just... Yes. I'm seventeen years old, and about 220 lbs at five feet tall. I don't know how I got this way. It's just always been. When I compare my eating and exercise habits, etc, to people I know, I don't understand. I have a sister, age thirteen, who is a few inches taller than I, and close to 100 lbs lighter. She eats constantly, a lot more than I do. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish I knew what it was like to look normal, but I don't. I think I have a serious food addiction. I'll have fantasies about fattening food. After a long, hard day, I will come home and drink cheese sauce out of the jar. Yes. It's all that makes me feel a little better. And it's not like I can stop there. I just keep going and going. I've come to the conclusion that it might just be worth it, something I can accept. I wish I could just be normal for a day, just to see what it's like.

This was so inspirational I was so feeling your pain..I have the same feelings..could not have said it better.Thank You...

i know exactly what do you feel. loosing and then regaining weight several times is so painful.every body around me think it is so easy to loose weight and keep judging me for being fat.

Some of it is mostly true what your saying, I mean for the most part I myself want to loose weight and get healthy because being obease is not healthy no matter how many people want to spin the same ol line of "being stick thin isn't healthy eather!!" I cant stand when people say that, its like are you serious? what is that even supposed to mean anyway? that being thin is not healthy eather I should just stay 2 tons of fun! <br />
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its not a nice feeling to go into clothing stores and feel the only thing your intitled to buying is accessories, I have a very lovely man in my life, however it took me a very very long time to be lucky enough to find a good man who loved me for me. Men were just not attracted to a a fat woman and thats the damn truth, people can say its pesimisstic, people can say its not true but its BS, it is true....It has nothing to do with "if ya only had confidance" ...maybe it will come off as i'm a big shallow ***** but im a realist....when is the last time you heard a gal call the guy from "Mike and Molly" sexy???? nope me eather. It's not attractive being that fat...just today i seen a woman in a local store who was so damn fat her face looked like droopy dog, her could hardley see them in her face due to the buildup of her huge face. and her belly was hanging out of her shirt. I looked at her and did not feel bad for her...the first thing I thought was "please god, give me motivation to never get that disgusting" her face and her huge body made me want to persue a healthyer life cause to be honest I would rather kill myself than live like that! maybe that makes me a horrid and shallow person but I do not care.

Thank you for sharing this. I cried a little reading it. I was very overweight for a while, and I still struggle with weight problems. Your words...they just got really deep inside of me. I seriously wish you the best of luck.

thank you for that. I wanted to comment on your opinion of your thin girlfriends not having to worry about finding "the one" - I am five feet, 7 inches and 130 pounds, a perfectly average weight, you can take that as thin or not. I find it incredibly difficult to keep my spirits up about love, I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not exceedingly ugly. Even as a (relatively) thin person, I still face much difficulty trying to attract guys. I'm also a recovering anorexic/bulimic, so I understand the whole distortion of food/indulgence problems food presents. It really is a battle, isn't it?

thank you for that. I wanted to comment on your opinion of your thin girlfriends not having to worry about finding "the one" - I am five feet, 7 inches and 130 pounds, a perfectly average weight, you can take that as thin or not. I find it incredibly difficult to keep my spirits up about love, I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not exceedingly ugly. Even as a (relatively) thin person, I still face much difficulty trying to attract guys. I'm also a recovering anorexic/bulimic, so I understand the whole distortion of food/indulgence problems food presents. It really is a battle, isn't it?

I think you should look in the mirror and smile just for the simple fact that you have helped so many people, both thin and overweight, by writing this. Me being overweight myself, I know first-hand how it is to have one of these days, many, enough to wish I was invisible with every step i take. But admitting I have a problem was my first step to recovery, Reading this post, was the next. Thank you so much for sharing this.