Really, Really Tired!!

I have felt so alone ever since i can remember. I have done everything on my own. I just thought that it's better to do things alone than to have someone do it with me. I just seem to be more stressed if I have to work while having to deal with somebody else's idea or attitude. It just delays things and if we didn't agree on one thing, a fight might occur or a misunderstanding.

I have distracted myself with some addictive and destructive activities like putting much time playing computer games like counter-strike and special force online. I have tried ************ and ***********, watching it almost daily, indulging myself with immoral thoughts (which I am constantly fighting to stop). I realized that I have wasted my time with this destructive non-sense, instead of improving on my writing skills and other worthwhile things.

Being with other people, especially meeting new friends, is just quite a challenge for me ever since. When i'm with somebody else, I just can't manage to maintain a good conversation. I was never able to make a lasting relationship with anyone (except for my family that is), maybe because i really expect a perfect friend or a perfect person for me. Back then, I never had someone whom I can share my heartaches with. It was really hard for me to forgive back then, but luckily I have learned to do it, because it was the only thing for me to do to lessen up the pain I feel inside.

Right now, I'm constantly fighting with myself to conquer this difficulty of mine. I have tried too many times but still I have failed. I'm still hoping that someday, I'll have a good, if not better relationship with a good friend.
depressed201 depressed201
1 Response Nov 30, 2012

I relate so much to this