Just Tired...

When I was younger, the one thing I always wanted for myself was to be happy. Figured that in the end it didn't matter what career I ended up having, becuase I would be happy in whatever I chose to do. I assumed that I would find "love" and that I would get married and have kids.

I'm 30 now, and none of those things have happened.. I dropped out of uni, becuase I didn't enjoy my course, but didn't have a desire to change into another course.. Simply because I didn't (and still don't) know what I want to do. I ended up working 10years full time at maccas, where I did work my way up to Store Manager.. (guess that's an accomplishment?) But I was unhappy. I did meet a guy in my 20's. He was a bad boy, who I thought was amazing, but it took me over a year to realise that he was a drunk, and sucked me dry, emotionally and financially.

I'm the friend, that is always there.. that is the one that people lean and depend on. I'm the one that goes all out for a best friends birthday. I'm the one that is by my friends side day in and day out when she was in hospital. (mind you, back then I was working 12 hours a day, and living an hour each way to and from work). I'm the one that gets the group together and organises catch ups. I'm the one that gives my best friend massages all the time, cause she gets really bad back pain from work. I'm the one that looks after everyone. I'm the friend that when we go out, gets ignored by all cause the guys and girls are too busy being "captivated" by my best friend. (I get why though, I'm am what you would call "ugly," fat, black thinning hair, and pretty much scary looking)

I have a question.. If I'm the one that is always giving, always there, then why is it that I always get forgotton about? Why do I end up alone, and no-one notices that I'm sad?

I'm just tired.. I'm not even angry anymore, I'm just simply.. sad..

I don't want to be alone anymore.. I just want someone to care and notice me. Why is that so much to ask for?
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 19, 2013