Stop The Ride, I Want To Get Off!

I have been up up or down down for years! I have also bottled up my feelings for a long time! Then recently, I snapped! I realised everything in my life is wrong! All my long hid emotions poured out!! Crying, remorse ,guilt, laughter, howling with it!! Up and down repeatedly!! I don't know how to stop it or no ,thats a lie!! I'm an addict, have been for years, and I realise I have to change! So I'm going to Rehab! So nervous , so scared, mixed with excitement, curiosity? Can I do it?/ Can I stop the drugs? I bloody well hope so! Really have to change, I know. For my partner, my daughter, but mainly for me. So waiting, waiting. Help someone , Stop The Ride, I need to get off!! I've had enough, really I have. Lets hope ,eh?
cath17 cath17
36-40, F
2 Responses May 22, 2012

I can really relate to this story! I hope everything works out for you.

Thanks, this was written a while ago, and I did go, well to the Detox place first!! It was hard, they took me off my methadone and I had to wait a day ,then they treat you with Subutex and Lofexedine!! But I didnt feel it helped!! I was soo ill, really clucked badly, got no sleep!! But the people there at first were great, such characters, we all got on supported each other,but they moved on!! The new guys were awful, all jailbirds sent there by the courts!! The place got scary, it was like someone was going to kick off!! So I changed my mind and came home!! I know not what I had planned!! But my hubby was still using drugs, so I would have to come back out to it anyway!!!But the main reason for leaving was the Rehab I picked allowed you NO CONTACT WITH ANYONE THAT DRINK/DRUGGED!! And that was for 6-9 months!!!I couldn't do it!!! I missed him so much, I was still so ill, I just wanted my own bed, my life back!!You see?? But I am changing now!!, Like I said, coming off the meth, and once I'm on Subys, I'll be better!! I hope you understand my reasons!! I was just desperate back then, I didn't think it through, I clutched at straws!! I shouldn't have gone, but I was really bad with the drugs back then, injecting!! Sorry, if that offends you!! But I stopped that dead and you know why?? Cos I met the new lads and I saw their legs/arms and they had terrible damage ,abssesses,DVT,ulcers, gouges missing!! It scared me!! I though ,that could be me in 5/10 years!! I'd been lucky up to then, but it only takes once to cause serious damage!! So I did learn!! Haven't injected since!! So some good came from it!! At least!! And I tried, I really did try!! Oh well, next 6 weeks I'll be ill, can I rely on you for peppy messages, telling me Keep at it, etc!! I'll do the same for you, love Cath hope I haven't shocked yo too much!! Sorry ,if I have!!

You haven't shocked me, no worries. Yes I will send you inspirational messages, I hope you like hugs cause I like giving them out!

Oh I love hugs!! Do you?? Cos I love sending them too!! Messages would be so gratefully received, I'm going to need them!! So that will be awesome!! Thanks(whatever your name is),or do you want your privacy, if soo ,I understand!! Cheers my new mate, well happy!! Cath

Though I'm far away, I'm here for you in some kind of way. You know you have a problem and thats the first step. I'll be writing you I promise.