I Am Tired Of Having No MoneyI don't want to say I am poor...that feels wrong. I have a family and they are well, so I know many would think me lucky. I know I should "count my blessings". I know there are some worse off than me, I'm often told to think about them. That's supposed to make me feel better. I suppose I'm not supposed to think about those better off, even though their lifestyles are continually paraded before me.
I can't help it I want more money. I don't understand why I have no money. I work hard, all hours. I've done course after course to improve my earning potential, but instead of getting better things get worse.
I would not mind but I don't ask for much. All I want is enough to take away the worries and have some guilt free fun. A meal out; a trip to a theatre; a weekend away; a good haircut; highlights; A beauty treatment, perhaps I could look good too; some clothes that fit, with accessories; shoes that don't rub; a visit to the dentist; some new glasses; a new carpet; curtains; decorate the house, how I want without having to compromise (the cheap option); an up to date heating system; windows that arn't on their last legs; flowers for the garden. I would like to treat myself sometimes with out looking at the price tag. I would like to be able to afford to join a club, get a hobby, save for a holiday, even have my own computer. I want to join in, I want to have a go, I just can't afford it. I feel excluded from life.
I could scream when someone suggests going for a walk. That's free, Costs nothing. I've been on so many walks I must have my own pathway. Walks are all well and good, but...Don't I deserve a chance to experience more, find something that stirs my soul? Be able to do it? Something to make it worth while....
I drive an old W reg car. I don't have a store card or a credit card. My bank sent me a letter about having a loan, and I thought a newer car would be nice, so I applied. The bank said they were particular about who they lent to, and I did not earn enough. I have no bank loan. I've never owned a designer label. Careful and predictable, that's me, I have to be, so I can eat and pay bill after bill! Each month I look at my pay packet, and there's that great chunk of NI and tax, simply gone, before I start.
I'm fed up with being a dogs body, a beast of burden, a workhourse, on this tread mill, being promised rewards, being told how lucky I am to have yet another minimum wage job. I'm sick of the hyprocrisy and crap. I'm sick of sitting a crying at the total waste. Being bossed about and insulted and having to take it all with good grace. A "Thank you" would
be nice, but it's never noticed when I do that bit extra, for nothing. Different story if I forget something, run out of time, or make a mistake or when they bully for something more, usually for nothing. I'm sick of being told how my job should be done and then having it made impossible to do it. As long as it's on paper that's fine, the fact it's impossible to do, my problem. Getting up at the crack of dawn, going home as the sun goes down. Tired and aching. working weekends. "Have a good weekend" say the tv presenters, what's a weekend say I.