Becoming Stronger

The sheriff asked me, " Are you a softy?" I replied I used to be, but no more. I was a pushover, a doormat. Would do anything anyone wanted me to do, often against my better judgment. An enabaler. That cost me many sleepless night, and would backfire on me countless times. The sherfiff was here to collect a letter from the father of my grandson. From a jail he was in addressed to me, thinking I would pass it on to my daughter who was also in jail. There was a no contact order in pace barring him from any contact with my daughter. He used his cellmate to address this letter ( letter number two ) to circumvent this no contact order trying to be sneaky. He knows I have a jail block on my phone put in place against his relenless calls. Now it's the jails letting him call, and calls from bail bondsmans begging I bail him out. There was a time I would have in my softy days. This time I would violate him on the no contact order.  The last  letter only two days ago I violated him then too. Diffferent Sheriff. My daughter would have been bailed out too from her dangerous activities leaving her unrepentent and free to carry on. Drug addicted and paid for with criminal activiies facilitatated with my williness to bail her out of her messes. That makes me complicent and weak. Not much of a mother. I thought I was helping her. I thought that I was helping him. They have a child together. He is poison to my daughter. I have seen with my own eyes the marks he has put upon her face and body, the scars that lie within. The damage both of them have caused my grandson who lives safely now with my son. I was the one who called in CPS. Right thing? We have him every weekend. Never did I get so much as a thank you or a hug. It was as if I owed them for everything I did. Now  I'm standing back and showing my daughter some tough love. That's the only way I feel I can save her life. She makes sure I she feel like crap. Like I've let her down, abandoned her. My own life never matters. But now that has to stop. I sleep a lot better now, and eat better too. I feel a rush of energy, I feel a sense of worth. They can treat me any way they like, for I know deep in my heart, I'm doing the right thing finally for everyone concerned. I'm not saying this is easy, it's the hardest thing I've done. I wonder sometimes if it will work. Only time will tell. I wonder if there's others out there who have found the strenght and won? Sometimes tough love is lonely. I would appreciate some feedback from anyone who reads this. What are your thoughts about what I am doing? Would you have called the cops? Not bailed your child out of jail? This all is new to me. Thanks. By the way, the first letter got him commited for 10 days before someone from his gang bailed him out on a $2,500 bond for the 2nd letter. He is awaiting court. I was given a warning call upon his release. As I just finished this story, the phone rang and it was he! I hung up. He doesn't realize I'm stronger now and no longer a softy. What's it going to take?
wanderingvine wanderingvine
51-55, T
2 Responses Jun 19, 2011

Thanks T, for always being there for me!

You are getting so strong ! You will be" the woman of steel" soon.Good on you !