I Have Reached My End!!!!

I have had a good outlook for my life for years it was an ongoing struggle to continue but I fear it is all for naught. I worked for years and what did I get for all my effort nothing I struggled for years now since my mom passed and all I see is pain and desperation and it's getting worse. It's been nearly 4 years since my mom passed and in that time I have gone from being in a really bad place to what i thought was getting better but it was just a look through rose colored glasses cause I haven't budged from the place I was in three and a half years ago. I have high blood pressure and it has gotten worse my meds don't seem to be controlling it and I can't even afford them to control it to begin with. I just found out that if i want mental health assistance I have to sacrifice my physical health meds or if I want my physical health I have to sacrifice my mental health. I'm no genius but I am guessing if I want my physical health I have to be ready to let my mental health go and be on the verge of suicide which is where I am getting right now I am just so angry. My meds aren't expensive but the 20 extra dollars they cost now is more than I can afford if I want to eat 2 times a day. I have been looking for work since 2008 and had a brief stint in 2011 working while I went to school. I just can't keep going on like this I have been scraping by now for almost all 4 years and it's getting harder I am ready to just all it quits and be done with it all. I know many of you have had it tougher for a lot longer and I don't mean to belittle your struggles I mean your much stronger than me I suppose. I have an education I can't put to use illness it seems I can't keep up with and my mental state is deteriorating fast. I don't know maybe I need to just grow up and realize I'm not living in a dream and get over myself. I have had enough of this BS to last a lifetime never getting anywhere because I haven't really stood up for myself. Perhaps what I should do is either end it here and now or go out and make the government pay for all it's BS and start making them see the light. I have nothing to live for anymore hell my health is failing and my future is growing dimmer before my eyes the thing I look forward to are slipping from my grasp because of what the rich in this country have done and keep doing. I don't blame the average man for being pissed struggling to make ends meet in this heavily regulated world for us and not for the corporations. it's time we all said to put heavy regulations on the corporations and pricing till this country is back on it's feet then they can start to bring prices back up but until then regulate everything heavily. bring and force all prices down to what they were 25 to 30 years ago. Make wall street feel the pinch they have put on us these many years with not regulation on their price gouging. turn this into a country where we can prosper and all have a fair shake no breaks for the wealthy they have enough money to care for themselves and no breaks for the politicians take their perks away and no lobbing for corporations. Make the congress and the senate pay for their own medical their own cars their own gas. I think the time for revolution is NOW and we need to let the politicians know it's done they have gone too far and letting foreign countries bleed us for "AID" while stabbing us in the back is done. You want Military spending fine cut off aid to countries like China and Russia stop subsidies to countries like South America to grow their agriculture we need that money here. We need to stop the auto industry from dictating to us what we are going to get around in and make them get the engines way the hell up in gas mileage. We need to develop alternative fuels and not let the auto industry ****** them up and keep them from the market. The auto industry is the worst culprit for much of today's woes as the banks and the real estate put together. Wall street was built on greed and this country was built on giving everyone a fair chance but wall street made that impossible cause they keep the small business down and make mega corporations. There are so many monopolies in business today it's not funny I mean look at the mega companies that have their hands in so many different businesses that they dictate the prices for so much of what we buy. I mean who said it was okay to charge $100 for $5 worth of fabric or $1500 for $75 worth of plastic. the only reason we need better wages fro the work we do is because of artificial inflation the companies say okay what will the market bare and then they up the ante. I have worked hard to make my way and it never seems to get me anywhere maybe it's just where I live but to live where I can make it I have to be able to afford to live there and to afford to live there I have to be able to make it. It's a vicious circle and I am just so tired of it all my strength has left me I am ready to let it all go and never try again. It's all so futile the world has beaten me down and never let me stand up and if I try to it hit's me even harder than before. Now it's hitting me where I couldn't fight back if I wanted I think I will either let myself go and this will be the last you hear of me or if not then what you may hear won't be a good thing to hear.
RJ43 RJ43
46-50, T
7 Responses Jan 11, 2013

In a 100 years, who's going to care!

That's the same O same O as we've gone through before. So your answer is build a wall around us. Close ourselves off. And then just take from others "with" what we think we need. Remember Laos? The incoming ruling class thought a few things need correction. That became the killing fields. Kids allowed to kill teachers. Teenagers allowed to kill adults. Soldiers allowed to kill union leaders. People getting killed for being part of the old regime. Millions killed, and for what! How can I change the world when I can't change myself. Just start handing out what the masses want. Everything will be fine? Sure just take from those who have, and give to those who need. And when there's no more to give? Bliss on earth! Sheer heaven. Everyone will say. Enough, you tried, so what If its all gone. Kill more people and just take what's rightfully yours. Then more killing. More more more. Jez its so simple. Isn't that what the Nazi's were going to do to right the injustices. And the Japanese. Remember what happened there? Millions something like 70 million died?

Sorry; please never give in, life is the only gift given. It's not worth much if you no longer want it. I love you, so stick around we can torment each other. Now that's worth living for. Just kidding

I can be somewhat harsh? Just fart and say take that Nixon. It always makes me feel better! Take that Nixon!

Much of what this member says is BS. You are right RJ43, there needs to be fundamental changes in the American society which currently is based on greed. Indeed the wealthy need to be taxed more and the financial institutions, insurance companies and big business need more regulation. Obamacare is a good start for healthcare but other changes to the system need to be made as well. Hooray for Elizabeth Warren, Timothy Kaine and Tammy Baldwin who will be positive additions to our Senate.

Your nuts too fest42

1 More Response

It is so true, we all need to vent. Google in Fatima the movie, true story. Enjoy, My Friend

Ma'am
Please dont give up. You have become my insparation, Ihave your picture on my computer It is the first thig I see in the morning and the last thig at night I wish I could look half as feminan as you. Bought my first wig and love wearing it. Please keep posting and advising
Yours obediently Sissy William

Not to worry William I'm not going anywhere I was in a deep dark place when I wrote it I was tired and in anger of my situation I vented. I have gotten that off my bust and I feel much better now I guess I had to get knocked off my pedestal and a couple of notches. I really needed to let of the steam I was letting little things get to me and it was building up for a while it was good to let it out.

I love u too! Thanks for writing to me earlier.

Luv and hugs festival

I agree with much of what you say. If u are low income go to a public health clinic in your area for medical attention, both mental and physical. I don't know where u live but most places have sliding scale health clinics if u don't qualify for free. Good luck to u. I'll be remembering u and will keep u in my daily contact with the source.

Good girl!!! I wish I could give you a big hug and a kiss! I love you dear!!!

Well girl you already did with your words of encouragement. I am grateful for you and others like you. XOXOX

Don't give up. Get pissed. Don't let them win! Fight it with your ever living breath! They want you to give up. Don't give them that satisfaction. Stand up dust yourself off and survive girl!!!

I was venting I can't give up it's not in my nature I know it a tone finality to it but I really needed to get all that crap off my bust. LOL they can never keep me down for good till I'm done and buried.