I Am Tired Of Catering To Everyone's Expectations
Well, it is a Friday night, and what the hell am I doing? Sitting on EP. Just. Like. Every. Other. Effing. Night. I just want to get this all off my chest so I can sleep well tonight.
For one thing, I hate that *everyone* thinks someone my age is always off doing cool **** with their friends all the time, especially on Friday nights like this. It is like, there are certain expectations put on you because people view you in a certain way.
So, I have made a lot of cool friends on here, and for the most part, our relationship is somewhat superficial; I am a clown and we joke and that is pretty much the extent of it in most cases. Some people have opened up far more to me and shared much more than I have with them. And even though they say "we can talk about whatever is bothering you" or "you can let your guard down", for the most part I brush them off and continue joking. It is easier (for me) that way.
First of all, I feel like I'd be burdening them with my problems. Or maybe I am worried that they would think less of me if I told them what goes on in my head. Anyhow, it has always been an issue for me to open up emotionally with people, unless they are good friends that I have known for years.
I used to have much more of a social life than I do now. This decline started in November when I *broke up* with a guy with whom I wasn't even officially in a relationship. Then the holiday break came, and I went to my parents' house for the holidays, and this is when I discovered EP and here we are.
Lately, anything and everything feels like such an effort anymore. I can't concentrate in classes or at work, and I am constantly on here whenever I am meant to be paying attention/doing my job. I like Q+A for its general silliness, and I have been more and more into confessions, stories, and PMs with people I have been talking more in-depth to recently.
I hate to say it, but more often than not, I prefer the company of EPeeps over my geographically close friends anymore. I feel like, unless I have been good friends with this person IRL for a long time, our relationships are pretty shallow and revolve around going out, shopping, etc. Spending money I don't have on **** I don't need, basically. On here, I can just be my goofy self and talk to cool people that I otherwise wouldn't have had the chance of getting to know.
In conclusion, I just wanted to ramble on and let certain people into my head (just a little bit, as not to scare y'all away). This is the first step to opening up completely.
For one thing, I hate that *everyone* thinks someone my age is always off doing cool **** with their friends all the time, especially on Friday nights like this. It is like, there are certain expectations put on you because people view you in a certain way.
So, I have made a lot of cool friends on here, and for the most part, our relationship is somewhat superficial; I am a clown and we joke and that is pretty much the extent of it in most cases. Some people have opened up far more to me and shared much more than I have with them. And even though they say "we can talk about whatever is bothering you" or "you can let your guard down", for the most part I brush them off and continue joking. It is easier (for me) that way.
First of all, I feel like I'd be burdening them with my problems. Or maybe I am worried that they would think less of me if I told them what goes on in my head. Anyhow, it has always been an issue for me to open up emotionally with people, unless they are good friends that I have known for years.
I used to have much more of a social life than I do now. This decline started in November when I *broke up* with a guy with whom I wasn't even officially in a relationship. Then the holiday break came, and I went to my parents' house for the holidays, and this is when I discovered EP and here we are.
Lately, anything and everything feels like such an effort anymore. I can't concentrate in classes or at work, and I am constantly on here whenever I am meant to be paying attention/doing my job. I like Q+A for its general silliness, and I have been more and more into confessions, stories, and PMs with people I have been talking more in-depth to recently.
I hate to say it, but more often than not, I prefer the company of EPeeps over my geographically close friends anymore. I feel like, unless I have been good friends with this person IRL for a long time, our relationships are pretty shallow and revolve around going out, shopping, etc. Spending money I don't have on **** I don't need, basically. On here, I can just be my goofy self and talk to cool people that I otherwise wouldn't have had the chance of getting to know.
In conclusion, I just wanted to ramble on and let certain people into my head (just a little bit, as not to scare y'all away). This is the first step to opening up completely.
By:
deleted
Age:
26-30
