I never honestly thought life could get so bad. It got to a point where all I could stand to do was sleep. Now that was something that wasn't amazing sense when i sleep most of the time i have twisted nightmares, but sleep became my greatest relief. Then sleep didn't do as much anymore, so I started to cry more and more. Crying always brought some relief and still does but never enough to make all the pain go away. I cry almost every single day. The things people just don't ever seem to know. But crying started to loose all appeal but yet I still do it a lot. I was crying a few minutes before writing this. Now to some people Im sure i sound like a cry baby and hey maybe I am but if u were feeling the way i felt u would want to cry a lot too. Tho crying is never enough anymore it never relieves all my pain. So i picked up a bad habit, the scars show how bad it really is. So instead of just plain tears i started to cry crimson tears as well. Now it seems whenever I cry crimson tears I cry real tears. Because its gotten to a point where crimson tears is the only thing that brings sweet release. Now people judge me for my scars but they do not define who i am or do they I honestly don't know anymore. I do know that now when im talking to people it may seem like i don't care when i do but i can't find a way to stop my pain to listen and really try to feel anyone else's anymore. So im becoming colder and colder towards ppl i care about. And i blame myself more each day. But this pain never fully goes away not even with my crimson tears. I am tired of crying, tired of trying, and just tired of feeling like im dying.