Just Say What You Mean

While growing up, I played my dictated role and was under-thumb...not a good place to be. As I became an adult, more truly myself and a spiritual seeker of truth, I rebelled against anyone or thing that would try to keep me stifled. Being 100% true to myself and refusing to adhere to the social compact of conformity has brought me to the place of peace with myself and the world. Bullshit doesn't stick to me. I don't suggest that everyone can live this way, and I have dealt with the consequences but never have regretted it a bit.



The other stories I've written in this group might offer another side of my perspective. It is the plasticity, the platitudes offered simply to have 'something nice to say' to 'keep it upbeat' is what I resent, particularly from this real-life friend. It tells me she does not relate and does not get it but wants to project onto me what she does to be a Stepford Wife. And I don't see that she is actually happy so it ain't workin' for her either.



It sounds like dewkl 'gets it'.

SCW and AP- :)

I don't mean that you seek conflict, more that you seem like you would never allow yourself to be put under anyone's thumb.



Saying that, I realize that one can get their honest point across, and still phrase it in a way that is not offensive, yet still truthful.

I once heard someone say that those who go out of their way to *be positive* are just covering up their shadow, their negative traits. I like to face myself and things "as it is." There's this strange idea out there that makes people think if they're "positive" they will attract more good things into their lives, and they will "manifest" good things.



Never worked for me. What works for me is something much more difficult to do than to "being positive." The thing that works for me is to face the truth about things, face what is true about myself. This is never a positive experience; it is in fact painful many times. Though from this low-down, muddy place always springs an unexpected surprise. Peace of mind.

SCW, still feeling the effects of that last medical test?



*only teasing*



:D



Love,

Andrew

******* ROCK ON, AP!!!!



[hugs] to SCW.

HA! SCW- soooo not written about you! I vented several stories in this group that I founded all because of a girlfriend from long ago who sought and found me. Only to be a closed minded Republican, Christian-belief spewing farty pants that crapped on me any time I was open and honest. Who missed ya all these years? And why did you seek me out and expect me to conform??? See, there I go thinking about her again.



Consumer- I don't seek conflict. Being open and honest will infuriate some people but I am not any sort of malicious and always have a clear conscience. I can't be any other way but open and honest. I am the big peace loving hippie, for sure. I hope you can find a balance.

qazrazl, thanks for writing this. I hope the story gets many more "recommends".


I think that false positivity can actually be damaging if it is directed at somebody who is vulnerable (eg. young child abuse survivor) or at somebody who is delusional about his or her needs.


My blood boils a little bit every time I come across a story in which somebody (usually a woman) is clearly trying to hold together a relationship which no longer exists, or which is even dangerous for her, and people are sending (((((((hugs))))))))) and telling her that she mustn't give up hope because her love is so powerful that it can overcome anything!


Thank you for giving me this excuse to vent...


AP

Well, hmm. I am a peacekeeper, so I'm told, though self doubt leaves me undecided. I am in the "I Avoid Conflict" group. I think for the most part, it's a good quality. But sometimes, it works against me, and I get put under a thumb, so to speak.

I guess you are the opposite of that.

It is very liberating and people respect me for it, knowing I'll be honest. How can I offer you help in developing it?

I could use some of what you have.

Hae- thx, life is good as long as I don't hold it in to be polite.

:) good venting! hope things are going well!

cute kitty!

Robyn- Hell YES that felt good. So necessary not to keep holding stuff in. I don't know quite when but I fried a fuse. I am incapable of tolerating bullshit anymore. So I say what I feel, but don't set out to shred someone so I feel better. I have some tact and manners.



And yes, that's Qazpurr, leaning in to sniff the camera while I snapped the shot. This pic of him has his eyes opened a bit, last avatar he was squinty faced sleeping. ;)

is that your cat with the big nose? he's really cute.

good venting. i'll bet that did feel good! false positivity is sometimes preferable to sincere negativity. i, however, am incapable of fase positivity (is that a word?), and can get disgustingly negative. at times like that, i keep my mouth shut. it slips out sometimes, though, to no one's benefit. btw, i liked your post. it was refreshing.