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Betrayed By My Family

For 8 years I have been battling bipolar disorder and anxiety. My family has never supported my mental illness and is always asking when I am going to be "cured?" Recently, I moved and of course noone helped me. All my family could do was ask when I was going to be finished. I finally got the nerve up and left a message to my mom that I am fed up with them and to leave me alone. My parents don't take to anyone telling them they have been wrong etc... it is their way or the highway! So I tried to move on with my life taking care of my 2 kids, when I started getting the worst emails and phone calls a person could receive from their family. I was told not to come to 2 birthday parties already and now my niece is getting Christened and I am waiting to see what this sister will say (by the way she is the only one speaking to me). After reading these horrible emails, I learned that my family has "hated" me for years. They have been talking about me behind my back and trading emails I have sent to each other that I thought were confidential. They are tired of me because of my illness and anything that is ever wrong I get blamed for. I am everyone's escape goat. My family is constantly bashing me to their friends and some of my friends in hopes they will all turn against me. They are now emailing my daughter who is 11 all the time trying to come into her life now when all along they never call, visit or email. My ex-to-be is using this situation against me for custody saying that I am not stable enough to take care of the kids (which I am perfectly fine), but it is my family who call him and tell him lies about me in hopes I will lose my kids. All along I have been everyone's doormat, the babysitter and the listener and for what? They say I am not a loving individual and don't deserve to live on this earth. I have done everything for my family out of love, but always having to look for approval where there is none ever! So now I beat myself up everyday with their harsh words looking for an out of feeling this way. I wanted to estrange myself a long time ago and I was always told,don't ever do that or you will live to regret it. So that is my story.......
my2angels22 my2angels22 36-40, F 4 Responses May 3, 2007

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Hello my2angels22: Things that people don't understand they will make fun of or ridicule a person that is different. All you can do is leave your family behind and start your own life with or without a friend. You can still love your family, but you must separate yourself from them. Bipolar disorder is not your fault. Part of the fault might be in your mother herself depending what she might have been putting in her system before you were born. Now they are taking it out on you and not admitting to the harm that they might have given you. See a doctor if you can afford it and get his opinion on the matter. I want to be your friend so please confide in me or any others on your side. Your friend Paddle..

Your bipolar disorder, and anxiety, are probably the result of unhealthy people in your family not showing you the respect, honor, and validation you deserved, and not inherently yours. Sometimes parents, or other relatives, vicariously bestow their own insecurities, anxieties, and mental illnesses on their children (I think most often the youngest, or a younger one). This keeps them from having to face their own issues. Their is a psychological disorder you should familiarize yourself with called Munchausen by Proxy that you should familiarize yourself with. Your family may have "control", and codependency issues as well. Unfortunately, their are those individuals who think that if you are younger than they are, that indicates their superior knowledge over yours. This is often not the case. Often, younger children learn many things, from studying the behaviors, choices, etc. of their older family members. Of course if they sense that, it may irritate them even more. <br />
I wish it wasn't so. Family members should love, support, share good counsel in a thoughtful way, and encourage one another, where appropriate, but not judge each other, and try to run each others lives. Yes, believe it or not, even the younger ones who are of age have the right to make their own choices. Hopefully, some day, the older ones will figure that out. It strikes me as funny, that most of the time in my experience, the younger siblings look up to the older ones with respect and admiration, while the older ones unfortunately, do the opposite.<br />
I hope you come to believe in yourself, and become free in who God made you to be. Then you won't pass these negative things on to your children. I wish you well.

Wow I thought I was the only one treated like this. I have always been the black sheep of the family. When I was 17 I got married to get out of my parents house. My family is very predjudiced and I married out of my race. For a long time when my oldest children were born my parents really did nothing.. but my sister's children they doted all over and bought everything for them. My husband and I split and I got pregnant by someone in the same race... That is when I got to realize that it wasn't my children it was me... They just didn't care. It took a long long time for me to be able to be okay with it... Don't think anyone can really get over not having a mother's love. Maybe someday... But I wanted to say Good luck! Sounds like you are doing fine to me.

Getting out of there was probably the best thing you could do for yourself. You should also block the emails going from your parents to your daughter. You have to create a healthy environment and they are for sure not it. I hope you win the custody battles. You have to make sure you take care of yourself. With Bipolar you can get easily depressed and you don't want that to show.