Guilty

i have done really mean things in the past. and the past is killing me. eventhough its all over and gone i get this sad feeling of not being there for someone who really needed me, all this  because i went throught the same thing recently. some years back i acted like a prik and still do at times.  broke up with my girl friend of three years. not that we broke up , it was just not happening between us. it was a long distance relationship and the distance was actually killinh it. we dint talk for a while. after my course i moved to a different place with my parrents. in a few days i got this really sad news of my ex losing her dad to a heart attack. and i dint call her to comfort her. i never called her. i dont know wat was going through my head then, but i wish i was dead then because the world dosent need priks like me. after a few years i decided i would call her even though i knew it was a bad idea. but i had to apologise for what i had done. and i did. but as expected she dint say anythin and hung up. but i was happy that she heard wat i had to say. i m being judged all this while by people close to me and this episode in my life is and has taken a toll on my life. and recently  my new gf broke up with me for reasons unknown. the things i went through during that period werent nice. but on the flipside i was happy because KARMA was destroying me for all that i had done i the past. with all this happening around me , i feel a new me is born  and i wish i dont do such mean things in the future. if that fails , i will  leave all that i have and go somewhere where no one knows. to this day i wish she forgives me, which i know is not possible. but as people say have "hope" . i personally feel hope doesnt really exist. its just a way to control people. and make them wait fr things that dont happen. anyway i "hope" that u who is reading this will not judge me for what i have done. because u have no clue how tough it is to work on other things with such feelings in ur head. peace and love to all and one.
mixlistener mixlistener
22-25
1 Response Jun 27, 2011

hi friend<br />
You have to let up on your self you will be surprised very few people actually care what you did<br />
Its you that keeps holding on to the garbage bag Chuck it in the dumpster etc WRITE DOWN ALL THE BAD THINGS YOU DID ON A BLUE PAPER now write down the good things you did and want to do on a white paper.<br />
GO OUTSIDE SET THEM ALIGHT and bury the ashes or put them in a pot plant and dig em in let them go -Tell your inner soul you sorry and ask forgiveness FOR ALL YOU DID- IT WILL BE GIVEN<br />
thats it simple you will feel like a million bucks Go out and be happy drink the good wine first lifes too short for the dregs. Love you PEACE