Tired Of Feeling Guilty For Not Being The Perfect Mother

I am tired of beating myself up for my decision to "give up" my first child to be raised by other family members.  It was a good decision then and it still is.  It does not indicate a lack of concern or love on my part.  It is time to let those feelings go.  Goodbye guilt, goodbye feelings of inadequacy.  I stand by my choices. 

 I am tired of beating myself up for not preventing the sexual abuse my ex committed on my second child.  He lied to me as much as to her.  He controlled my actions as much as he controlled her.  I didn't "fail" her.  What happened wasn't my fault.  I can not change what happened.  Goodbye guilt, goodbye more feelings of inadequacy.  Goodbye fear.  I did the best I could with the tools and experience that I had.  She's an adult now.  It is time for me to move on and stop worrying about what I coulda, shoulda, woulda done differently. 

It is time for me to start treating her like an adult and stop being so worried about hurting her feelings.  She doesn't have to agree with me or my choices.  We are never going to be "best friends".  And she's plenty old enough to be taking care of herself. 

I will not be ruled by fear, fear of what others think.  I am a good mom, a good wife, a good employee.  I am smart and resourceful and strong.  I deserve to be treated as such by me.  I am enough.  I am good enough.

BeautyBeast BeautyBeast
41-45, F
Feb 14, 2010