Your Convictions Aren't Helping.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. That said, his beliefs about God, church, and spirituality drive me nuts.

The guy has OCD and he grew up in two legalistic conservative denominations, so I understand why he's legalistic now. He recognizes it sometimes, and he lets me call him on it when needed. He's really trying to get better. I guess you could call him a recovering "holier-than-thou"

Unfortunately, there's one area in which he is utterly inflexible, and it's kicking back on me hard: church attendance.

For him, church has always been a good experience. He has never had to question his faith. He has never been exposed to even different denominations except for with me. He is adamant about us going to church together. He won't even go to church without me when I'm sick (although I'll go without him). He has a specific type of church he likes, and he complains like absolute hell about anything else. He also has a conviction that husbands and wives should never attend two different churches.

For me, church has been extremely difficult. I have questioned darned near everything. I have been fighting to save my faith for years, and I honestly doubt it's going to survive short of Divine intervention... but I posted about all that elsewhere. I am done with the denomination we met in due to theological drifts and abuse of power. I am much more experimental and willing to try anything. Heck, I've visited synagogues, mosques, Hindu temples, even a Mormon temple before consecration. Even if I don't agree with what I've attended, I can still find some benefit to my visit and try to make new friends.  I think it's ideal for married couples to worship together, but also recognize that sometimes it just can't happen due to different convictions, style preferences, or other reasons.

We currently attend a church where neither one of us is satisfied. He hates the style, and I'm highly uncomfortable being linked to a certain denomination (although the church insists it's non-denominational... right). 

Can anyone else see the problem? Between his convictions and my experiences, we're stuck.

intheshadow intheshadow
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I understand completely. I was raised legalistically too, but it drove me in most cases OUT of churches. Thanks also for your comment on my story. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

I get wound up by anyone who tries to push their views and opinions onto other people. Actually being married to me it doesn't even bear thinking about!

sadly for me, I have the same problem.<br />
my fiancee (who used to be a monk) is very rigorous about attending church and worshipping god. he plays the organ and conducts the church choir.<br />
I attend church with him fairly regularly but he knows I am an atheist and do not believe in any of the mumbo jumbo that is said in the church. Nonetheless, he insists in taking me to church almost every sunday.<br />
I am sick and tired of him not understanding our differences! he simply does not understand that in order to a relationship to work both parties must accept each other, and instead of embracing our differences he is trying to change my beliefs and make me his clone.<br />
anyway, I can relate. <br />
Be strong and hold your ground! It'll get better.