Just Tired

We have 7 kids, one from his first marriage. His kid always comes first, mine are a secondary inclusion. All I get is broken promises such as, I will semd you home to visit your family, I will buy you a car (I have been hearing that one for 5 years now), I will never cheat (that went out the window with a coworker my daughters age).
If I need something and his mother or ANYONE calls, he drops everything and runs, especially me. He spends money like water but if I buy something to make me feel better (I am a cheap skate so is hardly ever over $10), I am made to feel like I am being selfish.
All I do is cook and clean and take care of the kids, especially his, his family calls and talks to his son from his previous marriage but hardly ever to our children we have together and never to my kids unless they happen to answer the phone, this is after when we got married they sat my kids down and sware they were now their grandkids and would never be treated different.
All I look at is for walls, diapers, laundry and listen to his BS and how he can't keep his promises.... I deserve better. I am now on anti depressants because I am having a hard time dealing with the BS, loneliness and isolation. I wish I could just leave.
unlovedinfl unlovedinfl
36-40, F
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

It is just sad and the worst part is my kids are being rejected too and there is no way I can comfort them because I don't even know how to comfort myself. I try though, play games, talk, watch movies with them, but when he goes to bed, I have to go too. My kids call him 'the warden'. It breaks my heart that my kids see this. I just try to show them that it doesn't have to carry forward, he may not show you how to be a good husband and father but he can teach you something more valuable, who you don't want to be. I am just trying to get through, just can't see living like this and with 7 kids, I can't make it on my own.