I Have Lost So Many People I Love In the Last Few Years

Right after Hurricane Katrina, the young man who had been living at my house whom I had known since childhood fell off of a scaffold 120' up in the air.  In 2006, within a month I lost one of my closest friends to cancer and another fairly good friend to hepatitis C.    My daughter's boyfriend died the following month of an accidental overdose.  In Nov. of 2007 my stepdad died.  Two more friends passed the following spring, one in an accident, and the other from a heart attack. 

In October 2008 my ex died of liver disease related to his alcoholism.  Then my mom died in Nov.  Her sister (my godmother) passed exactly 3 months later last month.  I am just reeling from all of these deaths.  I feel like I am not even really mourning each individual death.  It's more like I am walking around in a perpetual state of grief, barely surfacing to attend to day to day life.  I am paralyzed by an all-encompassing sadness and depression.  All of these people were very close to me, and I can't accept that so many people in my world are now gone.

To make it worse, two of my good friends left the state after Hurricane Katrina and relocated to distant states.  While they are thankfully still alive, they are no longer part of my support network, and I am so alone and isolated.  I am also afraid of reaching out to people because, God forbid, if something should happen to them too, I don't know if I could bear it.  I just have never experienced such a cumulative loss before and it has brought me to my knees, literally.  I have begged God to please give me a small break, but the depression remains.

I am just really tired of loss.

suigeneris suigeneris
1 Response Mar 12, 2009

I'm really,really sorry and I can't even pretend to know what your going through.<br />
All I can do is hug you and ask that you remember the good times, don't worry about the bad, and hang in there. There's more good on it's way.