Sarcasm Hurts

my husband has always been a very, sarcastic person. its so hard to tell sometimes if he is kidding or not, and i often drop the conversation cuz it hurts, and im tired of crying. then he'll say-- "i was just playing....gee.....have a sense of humar." He also constantly says "huh?" and almost 100 % of the time I repeat what Ive said to him. i know alot of women put up with this, and I also understand that, men, we dont always say things that you need to hear, or the like---i get that. But when he asks me a question,, and walks away as Im answering, and then shouts "I CANT HEAR YOU, IM ________" (This moring it was "eating breakfast") it hurts, cuz it makes me feel as if we are not equals, and I shall only speak when he wants me to. weve moved around so much that I have no best friend to hang with. I have male friends that live in other states I either knew as a child, or have known since college, and we talk sometimes. its either that or spend 80 bucks everytime I wanna talk for an hour at my therapists office. He cuts me off. He'll ask me a question, then when it really isn't a yes or no answer, he'll cut me off and say, "thats all i need to know." I believe if he really cared, he'd be interested to want to know why I feel that way. but no. Is this just a man thing? then why do my male friends say, 'why" and wanna know? im careful, and try not to divuldge too much when talking to male friends---I've been down that road before--close to affairs but in 27 years together, never been with anyone else. If my friend in another state were here, we would get together (so we say now)--cuz im tired of being alone when Im not really alone. years of counseling, and years of him saying he understands. I understand when he's in his "i just want to fix it" mood--that's fine--that's the way men are. sometimes he takes it to the extreme. He talks down to me, like things I do and my reasons he "sees" why i do things arent good enough, and I get the lecture the kids used to get. my youngest is 21 today, and by the grace of God he and his brother are alive--as they both entered drug rehabs last year consectatively---and are doing well today. One day at a time. But for the most part, they avoid dad when they have life changing events, cuz they,, too, get "the lecture.' Im a full-time student in college, earning my BA for the first time. Ill be a senior after this semester, and I've done it myself. He brags about his knowledge on certain subjects, but NEVER wants to help me when I ask. So, I guess Im venting. He wants to do yard/projecs today--wanted me involved. I have a research paper due Monday Im working on---(and everyone is saying what are you doing on here??? gotta get this off my chest so i CAN concentrate) It's only 11 in the morning, and already I feel like a dope by how he's been talking to me. Another thing he does---when I ask a question, he willl answer with a smart-a** answer , like "duh"--i HATE THAT!! We were starting to get along really good for the first time in our relationship these past few months, then up rears this ugly monster that I want to run from but have no where to go. Anyway, thanks for listening!
yellowandblue yellowandblue
46-50, F
3 Responses May 12, 2012

Have u ever sat down and had a serious talk with him about how you feel? He may not realise how much he is hurting u

I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing the same thing as I am with my husband. I feel as though after 16 years we are just roommates. I have told him over and over that his sarcasm is not funny, but he still does it. I do not know how much longer I can live with this. I want a mature relationship, but he thinks all I want is a lacky. Like tonight I asked him if he would take out the garbage. His response was "You don't know where the garbage is?" Ugh!

I'm actually in the west tx area-south panhandle. It's flat..but I can see the sun! It's not humid, since I'm allergic to molds I don't mind! Thx for your understanding. I have made some friends here so far. It's a place I look forward to being on everyday. I always try to see things from other peoples point of view, including my husbands; but most of all, I try to see Gods point of view! Never fails--always helps! We have had our good times since the kids are gone...now that the extreme tough times from last fall are fading. Anyway, I have faith. Things will be allright one way or another!